Page 1 of Mutual Desire

PART I

ONE

Smoke and Shadows

Damien Clarke was bored out of his fucking mind.What made him think that letting Dimitri, his longtime friend, drag him to one of New York’s exclusive parties filled with models, influencers, and sketchy rich types was a good idea? Sure, the rooftop venue of the Essence Club had the kind of view only people with insane money could afford, and the free-flowing expensive drinks were supposed to be the highlight. But all Damien could think about was how out of place he felt.

Dimitri, being a part-time model, had charmed his way into some elite event that seemed more like a peacock show than anything else. It was supposed to be a good time, but Damien couldn't shake the feeling that he was an imposter—someone pretending to fit into a world that would never really be his. Dimitri had mentioned some fashion event after-party, but Damien hadn’t expected the sea of polished, impossibly beautiful people—or the lingering, predatory gazes that followed him around the room.

This crowd was not for him. As a teacher at a private school, Damien had a reputation to protect, and this place—with its low lighting, pulsing neon accents, and the constant, subtle exchanges of powders and pills—was nowhere close to where he wanted to be.

Damien leaned back in the plush seating, glancing over at Dimitri, who sat a few feet away. Dimitri was animatedly talking to Samuel, one of their mutual close friends. Samuel laughed at something Dimitri said, his easy, relaxed smile lighting up his face. Damien caught the way Dimitri’s eyes softened ever so slightly whenever Samuel wasn’t looking, the smallest flicker of something deeper, more vulnerable, showing through.But it never lasted.

The moment a couple of tall, lean models drifted over to join the conversation, Dimitri’s expression shifted. His usual confident, devil-may-care attitude snapped back into place, and he played it off with a small, charming smile that didn't really reach his blue eyes. Samuel, oblivious to the change, was polite, his attention focused on the guests now chiming in. Damien sighed, wondering how long this unspoken tension would last.

Watching Dimitri and Samuel, Damien’s mind drifted to Craig, his boyfriend of three years. The guilt crept in, as it often did when Damien found himself in places like this, especially since Craig was working a graveyard shift in the ER. When had they last gone out together? He couldn’t remember, and that realization gnawed at him.

Damien maneuvered his way through the dense crowd, his attention flitting over the sea of people. Just then, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed two guests a few feet away, huddled close together in a shadowed corner of the VIP section. He didn’t need to hear their words to recognize the transaction happening between them. A small bag passed discreetly from one hand to another, its contents likely familiar substances: uppers, downers, powders and pills.

He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly tight. A familiar dread curled in the pit of his stomach, dragging him back to a darker time. A time when parties like this weren’t just social outings but dangerous escapes. He’d seen it all before, lived through it. The recklessness, the spiral of self-destruction that always started with a single pill, a single line, a single bad choice. The laughter and the neon lights felt distant, muted now as memories clawed their way back to the surface.

His chest tightened. The faces blurred. He could feel that familiar ache of regret simmering under his skin, threatening to drown him in a well of sorrow. He wasn’t that person anymore. But the shadows from his past were always lurking, waiting for moments like this to remind him. A knot formed in his chest as the crowd seemed to press in closer. Just as the memories threatened to swallow him whole, Eric appeared by his side, offering a lifeline.

“Another drink?” Eric’s voice cut through the pounding music, startling Damien out of his thoughts.

Damien glanced down at his empty glass and nodded absently, mumbling a thank you that Eric, one of his closest friends, probably didn’t hear. Eric poured another round for both of them, his attention momentarily distracted by the surrounding chaos.

Eric was always the glue in their group—the one who made sure everyone was taken care of, even in situations like this. He caught Damien’s eye with a quick, knowing smile.

“You good?” Eric asked, tilting his head.

Damien hesitated, feeling the weight of the night settling in. The music, the neon lights, and the sea of beautiful people seemed to press down on him all at once.

“I’ll be good after one more drink,” Damien finally said, raising his glass to Eric.

Eric grinned and clinked his glass to Damien's. “Cheers to that.”

Damien took a sip, letting the vodka burn its way down his throat, though it did little to shake the discomfort lingering in his chest. His gaze drifted back to Dimitri and Samuel, catching another flicker of something unspoken between them. Each time his eyes would land on his friends, Damien's thoughts would keep drifting to Craig, hoping his shift was going smoothly—well, as smoothly as an ER shift ever could.

What the hell was he even doing here? He couldn’t shake the guilt that tugged at him, feeling like some lousy boyfriend for being out here instead of with him. Damien knew the guilt was irrational—Craig was working, and it wasn’t like he could keep him company in the ER—but somehow, it continued to eat away at him. Being out here, drinking and partying, felt wrong even though there was nothing he could do for Craig tonight. But love never claimed to be rational.

“Everything alright, D?” Eric asked, concern creeping into his voice. He was always the one who noticed.

Damien nodded but didn’t feel like outright lying. As the music rattled in his chest, the neon lights blurred at the edges of his vision, and flawless bodies moved pass him like they belonged — unlike him were starting to feel suffocating, and made his head spin.But Damien managed to put on a small smile.

“Yeah… just need a breather.”

Eric nodded, his gaze warm with understanding. “Take your time, man.”

Damien stood and began weaving his way through the crowd, already planning his escape route. Thirty more minutes, tops. He’d find an excuse, probably the old headache trick, and get the hell out of here. He didn’t feel too bad about leaving Eric alone. With his friend’s effortless charisma, Eric would have no trouble merging through the crowd or striking up conversations with a few models. Hell, if he weren’t married, he’d probably have no problem scoring. But thankfully for Julia, Eric’s wife, his friend was a devoted and faithful husband.

Damien pulled out his phone, both to sidestep awkward eye contact and to quickly fire off a text to Craig. Maybe something as simple asThinking of you. The music pulsed through the air like a heartbeat, thick and heavy, making conversation feel like a contact sport. As he squeezed through a group of people clustered near the bar, a soft hand landed on his arm, stopping him mid-step.

“Hey there, handsome,” a voice called—half-shouted, half-purred—just behind him. He turned slightly and came face-to-face with the owner of the arm. A woman with blonde hair, an Amber Heard doppelganger, watched him with amusement as he tried to blend into the crowd, her touch lingering on his arm.

She leaned in close, her breath brushing his ear so he could hear her. “You slipped away from your friend so fast, I almost missed my shotto tell you how fucking hot you are. But you probably hear that all the time, don’t you?”

Damien bit back a sigh. He didn’t need this right now. He could barely recall the last time he’d shared a bed with a woman—not that it was due to a lack of attraction. With a striking square face framed by a neatly trimmed beard, high cheekbones, and a sharp jawline, Damien was no stranger to compliments. More than one person had suggested he try modeling — Dimitri among them — but Damien always brushed it off with a nervous chuckle. His shoulder-length hair, typically pulled back into a bun, revealed his pierced ears and highlighted his most compelling feature: his green eyes, which, under a certain light, took on enigmatic shades of blue.

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