Page 21 of Aftermath

"Don’t treat me any different just 'cause you know now," Cam finished in a mutter.

"I won't," Austin murmured.

When Cam began to hyperventilate, he called Landon instead. He was sick of Austin seeing him this way.

8

On Friday, Austin found himself watching the clock as they ate an early dinner.

Jade hadn't liked the idea of Austin going to a bar after his session with Angelo a few days ago, and she had flat out refused to let him skip dinner. So, they'd come to a compromise. He could go out today when Jade had plans to take Riley to visit her parents in Delano. They were spending the weekend, too, so that was that.

"All done!" Riley declared and pushed the plate away from her. "Can I watch some TV before we go?"

"Of course," Austin said as Jade said, "No."

Riley scrunched her nose and watched her parents as they stared at each other.

"We eat together," Jade insisted. "It's how it's always been."

Austin refused to cave, though. While keeping his gaze fixed on Jade, he told Riley, "You're excused, baby girl. Just put your plate in the dishwasher first."

Riley quietly thanked them for dinner and put the plate in the dishwasher before she quickly escaped the tension building in the kitchen.

"What the hell, Austin?" Jade gritted out. "It's like you're not you anymore."

"I'm not!" he whisper-shouted. "How many times do I have to tell you that?" He had tried. God, had he tried. Mostly after his sessions with Gale, he had come home wanting to talk about them, but Jade didn’t want to hear it. She reluctantly listened until she could find some emergency to deal with. "I've told you I feel different, that I need time—"

"I want my husband back," Jade said as her eyes welled up. "You were taken from me, and now that you're home again, you're still not you."

Austin felt like he was talking to a brick wall. "You're not listening to me, Jade." He lowered his voice and tried to be patient, but it wasn’t easy with all that anger bottled up inside. "I can'thelpit." He placed a hand on his chest. "I need time to readjust, and thingswillbe different—"

"But I don’t want it to be different!" she cried. "I want us to have what we used to have. I want us to go back to normal. But you won't do that." She wiped away some tears. "You're always on edge, you can't sit still—it feels like I'm walking on eggshells around you!"

Austin shook his head, at a loss. Yeah, he was on edge—constantly—but he had never done anything to make Jade feel frightened, or as she said, walk on eggshells. He tried to do her bidding as much as he could in order to "go back to normal," but it wasn’t working.

"I'm not a magician," he said quietly. "I can't snap my fingers and forget what I've been through. What you're asking is too much."

"Then we have a problem," Jade choked out.

"Are you serious?" Austin couldn’t believe how cold she was being. "After fifteen years together, you can't even support me on this?"

It made him question why he was even sitting here having this discussion. He needed time to gather his thoughts, to find out what it was he wanted for himself, but it clearly wouldn’t be his own wife if she was hell-bent on having the old Austin back. To her, it seemed like it was all or nothing.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, looking guilty for some reason. "But I'm struggling, too, Austin. And I can't handle this."

"You haven't even tried!" he replied furiously. "We haven't talked aboutshit, Jade." He was getting riled up. "You've been offered counseling, just like the other family members, and you turned that down.Ihave tried to talk to you about what I've been through, and whatyou'vebeen through, but you shut that down, too." Shaking his head, he stood up and threw the napkin on the table. "I'll go talk to Riley, then I'm leaving."

Maybe a weekend alone was just what he needed.

Saying goodbye to Riley wasn’t easy. She tried to convince him to come with them to Gramma and Grampa, but he couldn’t. The more he thought about it, the more he realized time on his own might help. He did promise to call her though, and they made plans to go to LA together next week. "We'll head out early in the morning, spend the day on the beach, and then we'll come home late," he told her, which made her smile again.

When Austin arrived at the bar Angelo had suggested, he knew what he was getting into. It was clear now that Angelo thought he was gay, because after checking online, Austin found out this bar was one of the very few gay-friendly places to go in Bakersfield.

It was a dive bar, and a small live band was playing when Austin sat down at the end of the bar and ordered a beer. It didn’t…look…like a gay bar. The floor was sticky, a few older guys were occupying the pool table, a couple younger girls were squealing at…something…and the crowd seemed to be into the bluesy rock the band was playing. But what the hell did he know? Austin had never been to a gay bar before, but he wanted to come here tonight.

He wondered if Cam had been here.

Yeah, he couldn’t stop thinking about that man. They hadn't spoken in days, and Austin was afraid Cam was avoiding him. To escape the risk of rejection, Austin hadn't reached out. Which ultimately made him wonder if he was in high school. An almost forty-year-old man should probably call Cam up and clear the air—if that was necessary.

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