Page 59 of Kingdoms of Tides and Twilight

Renya rubbed her forehead exasperatedly. “Just don't do it again, okay? Or I'll answer the door without a shirt on the next time Gillbert comes by.”

That seemed to drive the point home.

He moved over to the small table and placed the tray down, uncovering the lid of a silver dish, one for each of them. Renya sat down and looked at hers. It was some kind of meat stew, and it smelled like home. It reminded her of the winters in the mountains of California, where her aunt would put a pot on the stove all day and let it simmer. Her heart lurched as sorrow overcame her. She still hadn't fully processed the loss of her aunt. Renya fervently wished she was alive and safe in the human realm, but without knowing for sure, her grief clawed at her heart like an angry bear.

A hand reached across the table. She looked up into Grayden's handsome face. His stubble was back, and he seemed to grow hairier by the hour. His thick mess of hair was even longer, and he was desperately in need of a haircut. “You'll find her again, I'm sure of it.”

“How did you know what I was thinking?”

“I felt your sorrow and then saw a flash of your aunt's face. Apparently, we aren't just hearing each other's thoughts, but getting flashes of images here and there.”

Renya frowned slightly. The idea of Grayden being in her head all the time frightened her. Some things were just private. She didn't plan to withhold anything from him, but the notion of someone accessing her thoughts scared her. The longer she dwelled on it, the more it unsettled her. She felt violated, as if her power had been stripped away.

“I'll stay out the best I can, Renya. I understand.”

At least with him knowing her thoughts, she didn't have to explain herself. “It's not that I don't want you in my head or that I'm keeping anything from you—”

“I know, sweet Renya. It's going to be an adjustment for us both. The only reason I pried was because I felt your sadness. I didn't know what I was doing, and then suddenly I saw a flash of your thoughts. I won't do it again.”

She picked at the bowl of stew, her appetite gone. She tried to force down a piece of bread but gave up. Her hands pushed the bowl away.

“I'm going to bed.” She took off her robe and left it on the floor, eager to get underneath the covers and away from Grayden's watchful eyes. She knew it wasn't his fault and that he would never hurt or betray her intentionally, but that seemed to make it even worse. She wanted to be mad at him, but she knew there was no rational reason for it. It wasn't his fault. Yet, she was furious.

Not looking over at where he sat, she crawled into bed and faced the wall. She felt tears sting her eyes and leak onto the satin pillowcase. The appearance of her tears made her even angrier, which in turn caused her to cry more. She held her breath, trying not to give in to the full-on meltdown she wanted to have. Renya wished she could be alone, in the dark, and cry until she was dehydrated, her body sore from shaking. She desperately sought that kind of cathartic release.

She heard Grayden blow out the candles, the room dark except for the low-burning flames dancing in the fireplace. Eyes closed tight, she tried to fall asleep as fast as she could, wanting to safeguard her thoughts from the man who was her mate. She felt resentful towards him. All of these things happening to them didn't seem to affect him at all. She was the one in a strange world, with strange magic, with a strange connection to a man she'd only known for a handful of weeks.

Renya felt the mattress dip, felt the warm body slide under the covers next to her. His gentle hands reached out for her, and she allowed herself to be pulled into his chest. She wanted to push him away, but the second she felt his breath on her neck, she craved the comfort he provided.

“It's okay, Little Fawn. You can be as mad at me as you want. I'm here for you. Hate me if you must. Use me in whatever way you need to. I won't leave you.”

She turned towards his warm embrace, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Sobs racked through her body, and he held her tightly as she cried long into the night.

Chapter Thirty

Grayden woke before Renya, deeply concerned about her reaction the night before. He hated himself for making her feel that way. He hadn't known he would have access to her thoughts like that. He felt her sadness, and the second his mind questioned the change in her mood, it was as if her brain answered for him. Though purely accidental, he sensed it was a huge breach of trust.

Unsure what to do, Grayden stared at Renya, finally asleep beside him, and felt panic rush over him. He had felt confident in their love, certain he wouldn't lose her again, but now he was terrified. What if this wasn't what she wanted? He was aware that she was having trouble adjusting to everything, but this seemed to be the final straw. Fates, he wished he could stop it. Or bear the weight for her. It was what he was best at, wasn't it? Taking on the burdens others couldn't shoulder?

Renya stirred next to him, and he brought his hand down to stroke her hair, hoping to keep her under for a little while longer. She had tossed and turned against his side for a good chunk of the night. She’d cried, clung to him, and then pushed him away, only to seek him out again and mew against his chest. It had been a long night for both of them, full of uncertainty and confusion. Yet through it all, he still felt their connection. That was something, at least.

He stared up at the stone ceiling, unsure of what to do. Maybe Esmeralda would know of something—

Renya's hands hesitantly reached out and touched him on the shoulder, bringing his thoughts back down from the ceiling. He turned to face her and watched her throat move as she took a deep breath. Grayden waited, not wanting to say anything to upset her.

“I feel like I should apologize.” She tipped her eyelashes down, avoiding eye contact. “But I'm struggling with it. I think my reaction was justified.”

“There is absolutely nothing to apologize for.” He scooped his hands under her chin and brought her face up to the light peeking through the curtains. “I understand what a shock it was for you. How hard all of these revelations must be. You don't ever need to apologize to me for the way you feel. They are your feelings. You're allowed to have them. I'm here to support you in whatever way I can.”

Her lip trembled and he ran his thumb gently over it. “Hush, my Little Fawn. It's okay. You know I hate your tears. But if you need to cry, at least let me hold you.”

“I'm crying now because I feel so guilty. I feel awful for feeling the way I do. You are the most caring, kindest man I've ever met, and I feel like a brat for being angry at you.” She scrambled into his lap, covered by the soft white sheets.

“Please don't feel guilty. I mean it. This isn't just some short-term relationship, Renya. We are in this for the long haul. There are going to be times when I make you angry, and I'm sure you will talk back to me or put yourself in danger and make me fume—but it doesn't matter. This—” he held his hand to her heart—”is forever.”

She nodded, unable to say anything else. Grayden held her to him for a long while, smoothing her hair and humming tenderly against her ear. He could feel her body relax, her head landing against his shoulder. After a few more minutes, she drifted back off to sleep. The stress her body was under was starting to wear on her, and he was concerned. Grayden shifted her back to her side of the bed and pulled the covers up to her chin. Placing a gentle kiss along her jaw, he got out of bed and dressed. He'd go find Kalora and suggest they take the morning off from training, and then he'd find Renya something to eat.

Grayden was just about to enter the dining hall when he heard a loud commotion coming from the direction of the throne room. Pulling his sword from his back and grabbing the dagger from his boot, he sprinted ahead, ready to attack and defend.

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