They spot me coming and subtly move away from each other, her sad eyes dropping to the ground as we approach. “Hello, Miss Harbough. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
She bows a little unbalanced as Alex clears his throat. “Good morning, Sullivan. Is everything alright?”
He takes my elbow to lead me away from the others, stopping me from saying anything at all to our sad little gardener.
That might be for the best.
“I’m fine. I just had... questions, I guess. I thought it would be better to ask you instead of Ephraim. Can we talk?”
“Of course.” He hesitantly holds out his arm for me to take, leading me away from his favorite place. “Ask away. I’d much rather you come to me instead of him.”
At least he’s approachable, even though I feel like I just ruined his day. “I feel a little lost here, Alex. I’m trying to go with the flow, but I feel like I’m missing something, always a step behind. So I’ll just ask. Clearly you want to take things slowly, but we’re getting married in six months. Everyone keeps referring to me as your fiancé, but I wasn’t given a ring. I’m supposed to be here for you, but I feel like I have to keep tracking you down.” I stop walking and turn to face him. “Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m happy to be here, and I’m nothing if not flexible. I just like to know what to expect.”
Frowning, he catches me by surprise when he nods in understanding. “I apologize for all of that. I’m just as thrown off here, believe it or not.” His mask slips slightly with his next confession, stress lining his handsome face. “I didn’t know it was happening until Draven was being ordered to go get you, and since then, I think I’ve felt the same as you. I do have a ring, I was just going to officially propose when we had your father over for dinner. Would you be more comfortable if I gave it to you sooner? I know that’s not the most romantic thing for me to ask, I’m just trying to help your discomfort if that’s possible.”
“No, no. Save it for the dinner. I know this isn’t exactly what either of us had in mind, but that doesn’t mean we can’t do this.” Getting the confirmation that he didn’t actually want me is a little hard to hear, but this is new. I’ll make him want me. “Dinner is fine. Please don’t worry about me.”
His gaze flicks past me back the way we came. “Can you tell me about your relationship with Jake? Did he make you happy?”
This feels like the type of thing I need to be honest about. I’m building trust, after all, and that requires a little bit of vulnerability on my part. A little bit of secret spilling of my own. “No, not really. He wasn’t cruel to me, he just... he treated me like something he was entitled to. He knew I couldn’t leave him because of your father, so he had no motivation to get to know me or treat me like I was special. It’s hard to be happy when you know the person you’re with doesn’t really love you.”
He offers me an apologetic expression. “And I just told you that this wasn’t my choice. I’m doing great here, aren’t I?”
“You’re doing fine. If I’m being honest, I never expected to be loved. I want to be what you need me to be, and if that leads to something more, then great. If it doesn’t, well... then I’m sorry in advance. I chose this life. You didn’t.”
Nodding, he places his hand near my lower back without actually touching me, leading me further onto the grounds. “Well, I think we can make the best of it. Tell me more about you and your interests.”
It feels like a foothold on the edge of a mountain. Something is off here, something I can’t quite see yet. The Keepers taught me to question everything, to notice everything. So why, then, did Provost Creed become so adamant that Alex take a wife by summer when Alex clearly had no interest himself? And more importantly... why is he playing along?
JANUARY
Seven
Draven
To be honest, I don’thave a fucking clue why I’m in father’s office with Alex, but something tells me it’s just another attempt to torture me. His office is as mundane as he is, a beige and white picture from a catalog without an ounce of originality. “I feel like this could have been an email.”