Page 44 of A Class Act

‘Back?’

‘I thought Jess said you lived in London?’

‘Not any more.’ I felt my heart plummet down to my injured knee. ‘I’m here now. Here until I’m not needed any more. Right, I’ll go in and see her. Thank you so much for all your help. It really is appreciated.’

‘Mum?’

Every time I saw my mum, when I’d not seen her for a while, I marvelled anew at what an incredibly beautiful woman she was and, for a good few seconds, I simply gazed down at her. This was my mum, the woman who’d single-handedly brought up me and Jess – and then Sorrel – trying her very best to be the mum she knew we should have, though not always achieving that goal. Her slim wrists and long tapering fingers lay along the white sheet and coverlet, the wavy dark hair framing her coffee-coloured, heart-shaped face curled onto the starched white hospital pillow. Her full mouth was slightly open but, as she came round, appearing to fight the reality of the hospital room, her eyelids fluttered, she frowned and muttered something incomprehensible.

‘Mum,’ I said again, moving over to sit on the chair at her bedside, taking her hand in my own.

‘Jayden?’ For a split second, when she thought it was my dad at her side, her face lit up in a smile.

‘It’s me, Mum. Robyn.’

‘Robyn? Oh? How lovely to see you.’ She turned her face fully towards mine. ‘You’re lookingsowell.’

I felt immediate guilt that I’d not been home, nor really been in touch for ages, so in love had I been with my new life. With Fabian.

‘Not really, Mum. I’ve damaged my knee; can’t dance any more. But never mind about me.’ I stroked her hand.

She didn’t speak, but a single tear rolled down her cheek.

‘Mum.’ I knew, if I wasn’t careful, I was going to cry myself and that was the last thing she needed. I had to try to be strong for her, get her well, get her home. ‘Mum? Jess, Sorrel and I, we all love you. We’re here for you, you know that.’

‘I know, I know. It’s just… it’s just… I’m so tired. So tired of having this bloody condition. Fed up of wanting to have your dad with me all the time and now Sorrel… she really hates me.’

‘Mum, Sorrel isfifteen. Fifteen-year-olds hateeveryone…’ I broke off, attempting levity. ‘Bolshy teens don’t love anyone but themselves.’ I frowned, afraid that Sorrel didn’t even love herself at the moment. ‘And Dad? Well, Jayden is Jayden. You can’t changehim, Mum. You should know that by now…’ I trailed off, realising that telling Mum off, telling her what she should be doing – and what she shouldn’t – wasn’t going to help at the moment. She was an intelligent woman – sheknewshe’d spent too much of her life obsessed with one man. One who most certainly did not merit all the emotion she’d poured into him.

‘But…’

‘I’m back up here in Yorkshire now, Mum,’ I said, smiling, trying hard to take away some of the despair I knew she was feeling at finding herself back in hospital once more. ‘I’m going to be looking after Sorrel, making sure she goes to school.’

‘Well, good luck with that. I’ve tried, Robyn. She takes no notice of me. And I just don’t want her to have to put up with me when I’m like this. It means she has to do a lot of things for herself, and for me – thingsIshould be doing. It’s not fair on a fifteen-year-old.’

‘Sheisfifteen, that’s the whole point, Mum. Sheshouldbe doing things for herself at her age. Jess and I both had to, if you remember? You’ve spoilt her, and she needs to grow up a bit, so stop right there! I’mhere now and I’m going to help you get better.’

‘Thank you, Robyn.’ She smiled, but one hand continued to clutch compulsively at the bed covers. Her voice wavered and another tear fell, unheeded, and then, apropos of nothing, she suddenly added, ‘Never fall in love with someone so deeply that they take over your life, that you can’t be without them.’

I knew this wasn’t the time for me to be telling Mum I didn’t believe that what she felt for Jayden was anything but obsession: a compulsive infatuation fuelled by learned behaviour reachingback, probably, to the childhood she spoke so little about. I wasn’t versed in psychology. Should I advise Mum to forget Jayden, that he was never going to change, that she had to break this cycle? Or tell her what she wanted to hear to give this darling mum of mine some small shred of hope?

I chose the latter. ‘Jayden’s been with us for the last couple of days, Mum. He came to see me at the theatre and then, when I hurt my leg, he drove me home.’

‘Jayden did?’ Her eyes lit up. ‘Oh,didhe?’ Her eyes moved towards the door. ‘And is he here now?’

‘He had to drive up to Aberdeen. He has several gigs up in Scotland…’

‘Right.’ Mum’s face immediately began to crumple and close down once more.

‘But he came to Sorrel’s school with me.’ I smiled.

‘Did he?’ Mum smiled once more. ‘Oh, good. That’s good. That head teacher at the high school just wouldn’t listen to me. I tried, Robyn, honestly… Oh, Robyn, but she was so intimidating. She was quite terrifying… She reminded me of…’

‘Of?’ I leaned forward, hoping Mum was going to open up about her past, something she’d never done before.

Mum didn’t speak for a few seconds. ‘Liz Truss,’ she eventually said.

‘Liz Truss?’ I stared at Mum.

---