Page 40 of The Hidden Guardian

“No. It’s not–”

“Then what is it? Why can’t you stay here?”

“Because …”

“Because why?” Onai presses shaking her head.

“Because everyone who gets close to me dies!”

There’s a moment of silence as my true thoughts resound in the small bathroom alcove and echo back to me. It’s the first time I’ve ever said that out loud. The first time I heard myself admit that I am cursed. Cursed to lose the ones I love.

“What I’m hearing is that your underlying feeling is fear.”

“Scared? Gods no, I’m terrified. I had a home, a family, and I lost it. I survive every tragedy and I pull myself together, and then tragedy strikes again and tears it all apart. I’m left picking up the pieces to do it all over again. What’s the point?”

She leans closer, rubbing my shoulder.

“I can’t do it again, Onai.” The tears fall freely, “I don’t have another loss left in me.”

“Have you expressed this to Renall?”

I snort. “I can barely talk to him … there’s no symbol in my notebook for ‘coward’.”

“I don’t think you’re a coward. I think you’re a survivor. Maybe that’s why you and Renall are mates, he’s a survivor too. He’s been through things and seen war and survived it. He’s lost a Guardian; he knows loss and … living with the consequences.”

Consequences?That’s not how I would put it. But before I can respond to Onai, her fist is flying toward me. I barely have time to throw my hands up before the strike.

Only I never feel it. When it doesn’t strike my face, I lower my hands so my eyes can peek over. Her fist is suspended in air directly in front of my face. Between us shimmers a clear blue shield.

“Air …” she gasps.

“Air?” I repeat.

“I had a feeling your powers are tied to emotions and defense. It’s built into all of us similarly. So I caught you off guard to see what your natural defense would be. You used the element of air just as easily as you do earth. Maybe that is what we should practice?”

Onai drops her fist. My shoulders relax. The blue air shimmers before disappearing.

“Air? I mean I’m up for anything.”

“Earth, water, and air.” She sighs. “Does Renall know you can move the air?”

“I didn’t even know until two seconds ago.”

“Three … you have three affinities.” Her eyes widen and lock with mine, and for a second, I think she’ll explain herself, but she just stands, staring at me. Wonder and bewilderment glisten in her eyes. I open my mouth to ask about her sudden change in demeanor.

A long whistle comes, breaking our eye contact, followed by a herd of footsteps and commotion outside. Onai is on her feet and headed to the door before I know it.

“What was that?” I ask, stumbling out of the tub.

“Someone is leaving the cave.”

“Leaving? I thought that wasn’t possible.”

“We never leave alone. We send people out on supply runs once every couple months. Sometimes more in the winter, if needed.”

“Oh.” I quickly change out of my wet clothes and follow Onai out to the ledge to watch. There is a cloud of ominous sadness in the air so thick it’s making it hard for me to breathe.

Four Guardians below are kissing their men goodbye. All are crying in their arms, a few are carrying children.

---