Page 56 of Fault Line

“Right,” I mutter, flashing him an unimpressed frown. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

His eyes linger on me for a moment longer before he turns to walk away. “See you in class on Monday,” he calls over his shoulder.

I watch him go, an uncomfortable mixture of emotions brewing inside of me—relief that I won’t have to worry about initiating things this weekend but disappointment that I won’t even have the option.

It’s a disturbing thought, honestly, but I’m not so sure how I’m going to make it through an entire weekend without him. I’ve grown accustomed to his presence in my bed over the last month, and the idea of that has me all worked up.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur of studying, snacking, and mildly panicking. But as the night approaches and I’m left alone in my apartment, I find myself stuck in a familiar predicament.

I mindlessly pick at my hair again, my mind wandering back to all my least favorite places. Ruminating on the worst, darkest thoughts I’ve ever had, until I have no choice but to think of Holden instead.

I might not enjoy admitting it, but an overwhelming part of me wishes that he was here with me now, shutting off my mind with his touch. The memory of his fingers trailing down my skin, the sound of his voice whispering in my ear, makes my body ache.

It’s frustrating, this sudden craving I have for intimacy. With him or with anyone. It makes me feel weak and needy, something that I’ve always prided myself on not being. But at the same time, there’s a warm, soothing comfort in the thought of Holden being beside me.

I can’t deny it anymore. The man’s certainly not perfect, at least not for me, but he somehow seems to know exactly what I need.

I desperately pull at another strand of hair, letting the pain distract me instead. I shouldn’t be focusing on sex with a guy that’s not even mine. I have a lit review to finish, another meeting with Dr. Khatri coming up.

But try as I might, I can’t help the way my thoughts keep drifting back to that place—to the way he brings me back to life, makes me feel a little more free, for at least a few short hours at a time.

And there’s another small, irritating voice in the back of my mind that wonders if maybe there’s something more going on between us. But I easily push the thought aside, knowing that it’s dangerous territory. I can’t afford to get distracted, not now. Not when my future’s on the line.

And yet, as I lie in bed alone, unable to sleep, I find myself picturing more than just sex. This time, I imagine his strong arms wrapped around me, comforting me. Holding me until I drift off to sleep and then waking up beside me the next morning.

It helps, at least a little bit, to imagine that I’m not alone in this. That I have someone, someone who might actuallyget me, to help me forget about all my worries.

Even if it only lasts throughout the night.

Even if it’s all just a hopeless façade.

20

HOLDEN

We lost our game tonight,our first loss of the season, and I feel like absolute shit.

Now, I’m sitting here alone in a hotel room. Rai’s empty bed, my cell phone, and my wounded pride are the only things keeping me company. I hear the distant sounds of laughter and clinking glasses from down the hallway, and it unsettles me.

It’s no secret that I take every loss to heart, especially as captain, and the sting of defeat lingers in my bones like an unwelcome guest.

Normally, I’d jump at the opportunity to commiserate with my teammates, to drown my sorrows in booze and the company of my boys. But tonight, I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to pretend to be okay when I’m not. I don’t want to slap on a smile and fake enthusiasm.

I just want to be left alone to wallow in my own self-pity for once.

I’m seated at the edge of my bed, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. The old manual clock hanging above the door ticks away, counting down the minutes until midnight, distracting me from the sounds of murmured voices.

And that’s when my mind inevitably drifts to Kaia—the girl with the sharp tongue and those tiny green flecks in her eyes. I wonder how she’s doing without me around. Is she out with friends, with Elio, or is she tucked away in her apartment like usual?

The thought of her being with someone else, anyone else, sends a pang of jealousy through me. But I quickly push it aside. I know that we have a simple, cut-and-dry arrangement, and I have no right to feel this way.

It’s just sex, after all. Nothing more.

As I run a hand through my hair, I realize how simple it’d be to ease my mind right now. I could just fucking text the girl, couldn’t I?

Sighing, I grab my phone, flipping it over before I remember that I shouldn’t be the one reaching out to her. It’s not part of our deal. And besides, what would I even say?

“Hey, just checking in to make sure you’re not sleeping with someone else while I’m out of town?”

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