maybe next time
Holden
sure thing
I toss my phone onto the bed with a sigh. It’s like I’m stuck in this purgatory of emotions, torn between my head and my heart. My head’s telling me to stay away, to protect myself from the distraction. But my heart’s begging me to take a chance, to see where this thing between us could really go.
And as the day turns into night, I end up back in my bed, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the hell I’m going to do about all of this. I can’t deny the way he makes me feel, the way he brings out a different side of me, but I also can’t ignore the fear that comes with letting my guard down.
I work to collect myself, trying to calm my racing heart. But as much as I try to push him away, Holden’s like a moth to a flame, drawing me in, tempting me with his golden light.
It’s ridiculous, really. I’m acting like a lovesick teenager. But I can’t fucking help it. The boy has wedged his way so far under my skin, and now I’m not so sure I want him to leave.
I pinch my eyes shut, rubbing at my temples. The thought of spending another night alone, drowning in my own thoughts, feels unbearable. So before I can second-guess myself, I grab my phone and type out a quick message.
Kaia
hey, changed my mind. if you still want me to come, then I’d love to
When there’s no immediate response, I grow restless. Impatient. I check my phone every few minutes, hoping for a simple affirmation from him. But as the night continues to wear on, it becomes clear that he’s not going to text me back in time.
Despite my better judgment, I throw on some new clothes, grab my keys, and head out the front door.
* * *
It’s nearlyten o’clock by the time I arrive at his place, my heartbeat pulsing in my eardrums as the Uber pulls up. It’s quiet tonight. A few cars are parked haphazardly on the curb, but it’s clear that this party’s much more subdued than the last one.
As I step out of the car, I can barely make out the sounds of laughter and music drifting through the air. But it’s more than enough to make my stomach do backflips. I’m still waiting for a response to my text, but I’m hoping that he’ll be glad to see me anyway.
I make my way to the entrance, up the creepy statued stairway, and knock on the front door. Of course, Rai’s there to greet me with that goofy grin of his.
“Kaia! You’re here!”
“I am,” I say, trying to conceal the uncertainty in my voice.
“No Liz tonight?” he asks, hopeful as he glances past me.
“I think she’s out with friends somewhere,” I say, a pang of sorrow hitting me directly in the chest. I’m not sure when she decided to move on, but I don’t think she’s too interested in Rai these days. Maybe she never really was. “Sorry, she’s been pretty distant lately. I barely get to see her myself.”
“No worries,” he says, pulling me in for a quick hug. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure you’d show up, either. Becksy made it sound like you were a no-show.”
“Yeah, my schedule cleared up.”
Once Rai ushers me inside, I quickly glance around the room, searching for any sign of Holden. But he’s nowhere to be found.
“Feel free to make yourself at home,” Rai says, gesturing to the rest of the partygoers. As expected, I don’t recognize any of them.
“Is Holden around here somewhere, or is he upstairs?” I ask.
“I think he’s in the kitchen or maybe out back somewhere.”
I make my way to the dining area first, but when I turn the corner, Holden’s there leaning against the countertop, his arm perched halfway around some girl. He’s not exactly touching her, but they’re standing awfully close, laughing and chatting in a way that makes my heart sink.
I try to slip away unnoticed, but Holden catches sight of me just as I’m making my escape. “Kaia?” he calls, following after me. We nearly make it all the way back to the front porch before he catches up, gently grasping my wrist and spinning me around to face him.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my voice trembling.
“What do you mean?” There’s confusion in his eyes. “I thought you weren’t coming.”