“I just don’t understand why,” I say, my voice heavy with emotion. “I’ve been nothing but supportive of you, Kaia. I told you I want to be there for you. That I adore you, that all your flaws are what make you whole.”
“I know,” she admits with a heavy sigh. “And I promise you, I’m going to let you in. I want you to be the person I turn to, the one I lean on. And I want to be that person for you, too.”
I look at her for a long moment, then take her hand in mine. “You know, I don’t mind you leaning on your friend for support. I know you two have a lot of history, but I just want to be looped in. Part of it all. I don’t want to feel like an outsider in my own relationship.”
“You’re right, Beck. I know you’re right. And you should know, the reason that I called Elio is because we made a promise to each other a long time ago.”
“What kind of promise?”
“We’re ... he’s kind of like my sober companion, in a way. My accountability check.”
“Oh, okay.” My brow furrows, and my brain flits into overdrive, attempting to make sense of what she’s saying. “Wait, you’re sober? But I’ve seen you drink before.”
“It’s pills, actually—Adderall—that’s the issue. It got really bad a few years ago, to the point where I couldn’t do anything without them. It fucked with my sleep, and I’m still reeling from it all. Elio was the one who helped me get clean, and we made a pact: if either of us starts to lose control, we call the other. He’s the one who made me realize I needed to get my life together in the first place, back when he went off to rehab.”
“Wow, okay.” I nod, finally understanding the depth of their connection. “I’m sorry, Kaia. I really had no idea. I shouldn’t have made those comments about him using again, at least not so flippantly. If I’d known your history, I would’ve gone about it differently.”
“But you didn’t, and that’s on me. I was worried about how you’d react, especially knowing your brother’s situation.”
“In my mind, that’s completely different.” Guilt gnaws at me, bringing to mind all the insensitive remarks I’ve incidentally made. “I know you, Kaia, and I know you don’t ever choose to take the easy way out.”
“Thank you for saying that.” She squeezes my hand, giving me a tiny sad smile. “You should also know that Elio’s been there for me more times than I can count, and I’ve done the same for him. But that’s all it is, Beck. Just support, because we understand that part of each other in a way that not many people do. But that doesn’t mean I should’ve left you in the dark, either.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re telling me now.”
My chest swells with understanding and appreciation for what she’s endured, for her resilience all these years. I realize that beneath the façade of strength, she was silently grappling with her struggles all this time, and it only deepens my admiration for her.
“There’s something else, too. I have this ... habit.” She hesitates for a moment, hands shaking. “When I’m stressed or anxious, which is basically all the time, I ... I pull my hair out. Sometimes in chunks, sometimes in little pieces. I have this spot, right here.” She moves her hair to the side, showing me the missing patch I noticed a few weeks prior. “It’s been getting worse lately. And I’m not doing a very good job at hiding it anymore.”
I rub my thumb across her palm, my heart aching for her. “Kaia, you don’t have to hide anything from me. We all have our struggles, our insecurities. It doesn’t make me think of you any differently, make me want you any less.”
She sniffles, tears welling in her eyes. “I just didn’t want you to see this side of me, I guess. All the broken parts that I’m still trying to put back together.”
“I get that. But Kaia, I don’t need you to be perfect. All I want from you is your trust.”
“And you have it. Do I have yours?”
“You do.”
We sit in silence for a moment, letting the weight of her confessions settle around us. And then, with a shaky breath, I decide it’s time for me to be honest, too.
“You know, I came to you last weekend to talk about my parents,” I say, my voice cracking. “My mom finally asked for a divorce, and my dad just dropped it on me out of the blue on Saturday morning. I . .. I didn’t know how to handle it, and I guess that’s why I was so quick to latch onto the idea of giving us some space. I just ... I wanted to know that you were going to fight for me, for us, even when things got hard.”
She wipes a tear from my cheek. “I’m so sorry, Beck. I had no idea. I should’ve been there for you from the start.”
“You’re here now,” I say, offering her a small smile. “And that’s what matters.”
“How are you doing?”
“Not great,” I admit, my voice barely audible. “I’ve been trying to put on a brave face, but it’s been eating me up inside. On the one hand, I’ve known this was coming for a long time. Hell, I wanted it to happen. God knows my dad doesn’t deserve her loyalty, but it still doesn’t change the fact that his decisions have officially torn our family apart.”
“It’s really awful what he’s done.”
“Yeah, it is.”
I lean into Kaia, burying my nose in the crook of her neck and breathing in her comforting scent. It’s a small gesture, but it helps to ground me in the moment, reminding me that she’s here with me now, that we’re facing these obstacles together.
In a single fluid motion, I scoop her up into my arms and carry her over to the head of the bed, her body fitting perfectly against mine. As I gently lay her down on the soft mattress, she looks up at me with a warm, reassuring smile.