Page 67 of Ripple Effect

We should probably talk about this, shouldn’t we?

But it’s obvious that she’s looking for space. So, I’ll give it to her, at least for tonight.

* * *

I wakeup the next morning without Daisy by my side, Bentley curled up in the spot she’s been occupying all week. With a disappointed groan, I roll over to grab my phone off the nightstand and come across a half-crumpled note:

Morning,

Went for a workout and then hitting the beach for a surf. After that, I’m on a mission to pick out some costumes for us. You’ll have some peace and quiet for work now. Text me if anything goes wrong. See you soon!

Daisy

My stomach dips as I notice the smiley face and a doodled pumpkin in the bottom right corner. After what happened last night, I half expected her to put up walls, to be distant. Instead, there’s this small sign that she’s not pulling away completely.

When I joined her in the bedroom late last night, she was already fast asleep, her breathing even and deep. It was the first night all week we hadn’t curled up in each other’s arms, and the change felt foreign, unwelcome.

God, it had been so fucking good to watch her come, moving on top of me the way she did, every inhibition gone. But if that equates to sacrificing our nights together—the closeness, the intimacy, the chance to forget everything for a little while—I’m not so sure I want the trade-off.

I set the note down and pull my laptop over, greeted by the AfterDark homepage. But I hesitate to get started—to sift through my requests and switch into work mode.

In the past, the line between Elio and Everett has always been so distinct yet so simple to transcend.

I could dissociate from my everyday life, assume a new character, and then focus fully on my work. Adopting a new personality was just standard procedure, and then I’d fade right back into my former self.

When I was Elio again, I didn’t have to worry about sex, intimacy, attraction, or even the potential of romantic love. For the last three years, I’ve been worried about fielding these desires again, something real and natural, outside of work.

But with Daisy, she makes it all seem worthwhile.

That pull between us has been there from the start, from the first day she woke me up on the beachfront. And the more I’ve gotten to know her, the more she’s become this magnetic force in my life.

I could’ve stopped what happened on the couch last night, but it felt inevitable between us. Actually, it felt fucking perfect.

She’s assured me that she’s moved on from Logan, but even I know that emotions aren’t that straightforward.

As for me, I’m feeling things for her that I’ve never felt for anyone in my life. There’s this flicker of hope inside of me, a flame that she continues to light whenever we’re together.

But proximity is a tricky thing. I’m not physically or emotionally prepared to be a rebound. So, I still think it’s wise to wait until she moves out to explore things further. If Daisy still wants me once she’s settled back into her own life, then that’ll be proof enough.

I should be able to make some adjustments with my work. For one, I could give up on those partner scenes for good. We could talk about the web chats, too, find alternatives to help maintain my income in the meantime.

New ideas, new compromises, are already taking shape in my mind. Solo content that could be sustainable, at least through the end of next term. And then, once I graduate, I’ll be starting my career over in a new field, and I can leave that life behind me forever.

But I know I’m getting way ahead of myself here.

Once Daisy’s back in her own apartment, once the weight of watching over me isn’t there anymore, she could easily change her mind about all this.About me. She’s got this expansive world of her own creation, with friends, hobbies, dreams.

As a partner, I don’t have as much to offer her as she does me.

I never have, and I likely never will. Despite the fact that I’m clean now, I’ll always be an addict, a former sex worker with a fucked-up digital footprint, and most of all, a man with a track record of disappointing those closest to him.

I don’t want that life for Daisy, but if she chooses me, then I’ll work to become at least a fraction of the person she deserves.

26

DAISY

Bentley’sheavy pants ring out in the Jeep’s back seat, a quiet soundtrack as we merge onto the freeway. Elio’s grasp on the wheel is firm, his profile focused and slightly tense. He’s much quieter today than he’s been with me in a long time.

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