Page 103 of The Trade

“I wish that, too.”

She’s silent for a moment, then, “Okay.”

“You know, I used to think the Trade was just a silly tradition. When I was a freshman, it seemed like a rite of passage. But now, because of you, I see how wrong it was.”

Her voice is thick, weighed down by hurt and exhaustion. “I’m glad you learned your lesson. It’s just a little too late for us.”

A pang of despair hits me. “Is there nothing I can do to earn back your trust?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. But I know I can’t look at you the same way anymore.”

“If you tell me to leave you alone, then I’ll respect that,” I promise, working to keep my voice steady.

“I just need time, West,” she says. “I don’t know how much, and I can’t say how long. I’m not saying we’ll never get back together, but I know I need some time apart right now ...without you showing up at my apartment unannounced.”

“I can give you that.”

She gestures toward the open doorway. “Then you should probably go.”

I clench my fists, fighting the urge to reach out, to pull her close one more time. “Can I just say one more thing before I leave?”

“Sure,” she murmurs, her voice barely audible.

“Jade, I’m so damn sorry that I hurt you.” My voice is heavy with sincerity, the truth of my words ringing out in the empty space between us. “It’s the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

She stares at me for what feels like an eternity, her teeth worrying over her bottom lip. “I know that.”

“And, fuck.” I breathe out the word, my gaze roaming across her features, drinking her in. “I really hope, for Garrett’s sake, that you didn’t sleep with him last night. But if you did, just know that it doesn’t change anything between us. I want you. I want all of you. And nothing you can do will change that.”

She simply stares, lost for words as I ready myself to leave. I swallow the lump in my throat, reminding myself that if she doesn’t want me to beg, I’ll grant her the space she needs.

But Jade . .. she’s it for me.

She was yesterday, she is today, and she will be tomorrow. No matter how long it takes, I know the two of us belong together. I knew it from the first moment my lips touched hers. This girl unhinges me, shatters me from the inside out, forces me to see the world differently.

And I know that she feels the same way about me; I’ve seen the look on her face every time we’re together. Maybe, if I’m lucky enough, someday she’ll look at me that way again.

Until then, I’ll wait.

30

JADE

I didn’t sleepwith Garrett last night, nor would I ever.

The truth settles heavily in the vacant space of my mind, filling the silence like the echoes of a ghost. Restless and uneasy, I spent the night tossing and turning on his pull-out couch, in an apartment tainted with the lingering scent of his partner’s cologne and the remnants of takeout containers.

So yeah, I let West think that something more happened between Garrett and me. I neither confirmed nor denied his assumptions because, truthfully, it’s none of his damn business. And yet, despite my resolve, I can’t deny the pang of regret that slices through me at the sight of his shocked expression, the hurt in his eyes.

I’m not intentionally trying to hurt him, not in a vindictive or spiteful sort of way. It’s just that West no longer has the right to know certain things—when, where, and with whom I decide to have sex. Not that I can even fathom being with anyone else in the foreseeable future.

Moving on from West is going to be torture, especially because deep down, I know he still wants me, desires me in every way. And he does seem genuinely remorseful for what he’s done.

But it doesn’t change the harsh reality. West is a liar, a user, a manipulator. I need space from him, space to heal and breathe again. If only that space could also distance me from my roommate and my brother, the tangled web of their involvement.

In a twisted way, though, I understand that they’re the crutch I’ll need to lean on as I navigate through this chapter.

Mica royally fucked up, thinking with his dick instead of his head or his heart. But tomorrow morning, he’ll be boarding a flight and leaving town, so today is our chance to mend the fences, to rebuild the trust that was shattered. That’s the only reason I agreed to meet up with him for dinner.

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