Page 44 of The Trade

His dismissive attitude stings, and I can’t help but challenge him. “So now you’re mad that I won’t fuck you?”

He flinches but quickly regains his composure. “No, I’m not.” His shoulders slump a little, a tiny wisp of air pushing between his full lips. It’s a careful mix between a sigh and a shallow exhale, as if he needs just one extra breath of time to calculate a response. “Trust me, I’m not. I just . . . I want you to be careful. It’s your body, you do what you want with it.”

“Yeah, okay.”

With that, he pushes on the armrest of my chair, forcibly turning me back to face the desk. But before I can fully resume my work, his low voice stops me.

“Just—just don’t go for Miller, okay?” His plea is earnest, his gaze intense.

“Okay,” I say with a sigh. “I won’t.”

13

WEST

I’m an asshole.

I mean, seriously. What kind of dipshit says those kinds of things to the girl he likes?

If anyone’s gonna get you off, it’s gonna be me.

What I should have said is this: “No, Jade, you don’t need a fuck buddy. I like you. I want you. I’ll fuck you so good that you won’t even remember your own name.”

But it’s clear that I’m not what she wants. She’d rather pursue a no-strings-attached fling who can rock her world in the bedroom. According to her, our friendship would only complicate things.

Well, fuck our friendship.

No, wait. I want our friendship. I want to make her laugh, make her smile, make her call me by those goofy fucking nicknames. I want to spend time with her. I want to keep figuring out what makes her tick. I also want to kiss her and then take her to my bed.

Actually . . . I just want Jade in any form I can get her.

She’s driving me wild, and she doesn’t even know it. She says she’s willing to give things a try with Miller, with Cam, with any other fucking athlete at this school. And I know I’m not a damn saint, but the thought of her with anyone else? It’s like a slow, painful churning inside my gut.

I want to be her first choice and not just because she thinks I can scratch her itch. I want her to see me, to want me, as a man who’s developing real feelings for her and not just some athlete who can show her a good time.

But it’s obvious she doesn’t see me the same way. Or maybe she just doesn’t want to.

Whatever it is, I need to stop before I ruin everything. But as I look at her, engrossed in her work and wearing that cute little frown, I can’t help but think I’ve already screwed up my one and only chance.

I’ve let my feelings cloud my judgment. I mean, offering myself up as her fuck buddy? Who the hell does that? And yet, I did it. I did it because the idea of her with another man is unbearable.

She says she can’t mix friendship with sex, but I can’t help but wonder if I could change her mind. Could I make her want me enough that she’d risk the confusion?

Or maybe I should respect her decision and back off. Stick to being her friend and pretend that her words haven’t left a gaping hole inside my chest.

* * *

The next night,my teammates and I hit up Lucky’s, one of our favorite bars near campus. The place is typically packed to the brim with student athletes, a veritable playground for the physically gifted. That, coupled with the jersey chasers who have a knack for being everywhere but where I want them, often makes for an interesting night.

Yet, tonight, the allure of Lucky’s seems to have lost its shine. I’m not really in the spirit to party, if I’m being honest. I’d rather be trapped in the fucking library of all places.

But social obligations have a way of forcing your hand, so here I am, celebrating our quarterback’s birthday.

Noah Elliot, the big man himself, is the first one amongst us to hit the twenty-two mark. He red-shirted his freshman year, meaning he didn’t compete against other teams. This gave him a shot at five academic years with four full seasons on the field.

“Happy birthday, Elliot.” Sliding into the vacant seat next to him at the high table, I give him a firm clap on his shoulder.

“Thanks, man.” His nod comes with a clink of beer bottles, the glass cool and slick against mine.

---