Page 25 of Psycho

She patted my hand that I had rested on the armrest between us, her touch feeling fragile and strong all the same.

I looked down and willed the tears not to fall.

“Of course. Anyone ever told you how beautiful you are?”

I looked up and smiled at her. “Yes. My grandma.”

She nodded. “She’s telling the truth. You know, you remind me so much of my little granddaughter.”

“Yeah?” I croaked out.

She nodded. “She’s only eight, and she’s always getting into all sorts of trouble.”

Her laughter at the end almost sounded like the same laugh I had grown up hearing.

“I hope she grows up to be as beautiful as you. But of course, being beautiful isn’t the most important thing.”

“It’s being kind,” I said, finishing for her.

Grandma was big on kindness. It was something you heard teachers tell their students in elementary school, but most of the time, it felt like something you just said to say it.

Grandma really believed it, which was still amazing, considering that she had given birth to such a lousy son. Someone who cared for nothing and no one but himself.

“Yes,” Grandma said. “We must be kind.”

I nodded.

Would she be disappointed in me to know the dark thoughts I had about my own dad this morning? Or that I was using a boy because I was lonely? Or how sometimes…

Sometimes, I wished she would die.

I blinked.

“Hey,” she said, moving in closer to me. She cupped my cheek and wiped away the tears that fell. “There’s no need to cry.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

Oh, yes. There was plenty I should be sorry for.

I closed my eyes when she continued to dry my tears.

“Do you mind if I stay with you for the rest of the hour?”

She nodded. “Well, of course. My granddaughter might show up, and you can meet with her. My little Lainey is probably off running around in the neighborhood.”

I nodded, moving in closer to her.

We focused back on the TV, though I wasn’t paying attention to the cooking show that was on.

A worn-down nurse came by then and took Grandma away for her medication and breakfast.

Grandma waved at me and said it was nice to meet me.

I waved back, though I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to her.

I couldn’t push the words out through the huge lump hanging in the middle of my throat.

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