Page 138 of Savage Hearts

I should just get rid of it, and quickly, because now it seemed to be a huge weight I wasn’t sure I wanted to carry anymore.

My heart rate spiked as I thought about the brothers and how different they were from each other. Surely, whomever I happened to give my virginity to would be a completely different experience from the others as well.

I thought about Silas’ playfulness if he happened to be the one I gave it to, and Killian’s seriousness, and Maverick’s commanding presence. Maverick would surely want to control the whole thing. To dominate every inch of me until there was no doubt left in my mind who was fucking me.

I still didn’t know what they wanted from me. All I knew was, when they looked at me—at least two of them—I could have sworn I saw a softness in their eyes that shouldn’t be there, considering the kind of men they were.

It was the kind of softness a girl like me had dreamt about receiving my whole life, yet never daring myself to hope for it, considering how bleak my home life—my entire existence—had been up to now.

I shouldn’t hope for it now. I didn’t know much about the crime families in the US. I’d hardly known what was going on with the club half the time, despite growing up in it.

I didn’t know much about the underground operations, not in Chicago and definitely not in Las Vegas.

When they finally decided to make me theirs fully, I needed to prepare myself.

I didn’t have any diseases, and hoped beyond fucking hope that they didn’t either. I also needed to be on some sort of birth control because I refused to bring a child into this dark world.

If I had a boy, he would follow in his dad’s footsteps and become some sort of crime lord, doing all sorts of heinous things I wasn’t sure I would be able to forgive.

And if I had a girl—she would be just like me.

A pawn to be used.

I blinked, trying to contain the burning resentment making its way around my insides at having been born a girl.

There was nothing lucky about being born a girl in this world.

I couldn’t get pregnant.

I just couldn’t.

Just the thought was making it hard for me to breathe.

I braced my arms on my knees and buried my head there. Hell, what was I even thinking, trying to win a game with these brothers?

The door to my room opened, and heavy footsteps followed. I knew whoever had entered was only making the noise for my benefit. I didn’t doubt these brothers could be as quiet as mice if they needed to be.

As much as I had missed them before, I now wished they would leave me alone. How fucking conflicting.

Cold fingers touched my neck, moving up and down the exposed, vulnerable skin there. I shivered, and I couldn’t be sure if it was out of fear or out of my body’s stupid cravings for their touch, their affection.

“Angel,” he breathed softly, a hint of a question in his voice. Even if I didn’t recognize Silas’ voice—an impossibility at this point—I would have recognized the nickname.

I didn’t move. Didn’t look up at him. Nor did I make any sound to indicate I had heard him.

My control was blown to bits. I had no defense to fight him off right now. If I asked nicely for him to leave me alone, would he?

I didn’t think so. It wasn’t like they had been respectful of boundaries before, but God, I wished he would. I needed to think, and Silas had this way about him that made me feel like I was drowning in the room simply because he stepped foot inside it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and he must be a damn good actor because I could hear genuine concern in his voice. Why would Silas Tiernan concern himself with the likes of me, unless he just didn’t want me to break until he was done with me?

A part of me was aware I was being irrational. Killian had fucked with my mind, and I was feeling too vulnerable to be dealing with any of his brothers.

Especially since my first rational thought of the morning was concern for a pregnancy that hadn’t even happened…

Yet.

It hasn’t happened yet, an insidious voice inside my head whispered.

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