Page 78 of Love Like This

That one was harder and the reality sliced at Hadley, painful andraw. “I don’t want to be the person who stood in your way, who kept you here,and I would very much expect you to feel that way about me down the line. Thinkabout it. How could you not?”

Spencer inched across the couch until she was next to Hadley.“Okay. Come with me, then.”

“To Paris?” God, she’d like nothing more. Paris was her dream cityand she hoped to make it there one day for a visit, but to move therepermanently? Her world was in LA. Her job, her friends, her dads. Everything.

“I don’t know how to just pick up and leave. The babies were justborn. Everything is here.” She deflated into resignation. “This is your path,Spencer. I’m not so sure it’s mine.”

Spencer blew out a breath. “This whole thing just sucks. I wishI’d never gone to that lunch in the first place.”

“Don’t,” Hadley said forcefully. “The timing isn’t ideal, but thisis the rest of your life you’re talking about. And me? You said it yourself.Maybe I’m just one in a series of important people who will be in and out ofyour life.” Those weren’t just words to Hadley. The truth was clear. Spencerwasn’t as sure about the two of them as she was, and that had certainlyfactored in to her decision to let go.

Spencer shook her head. “I didn’t know you when I said that. Ididn’t know us.”

Hadley nodded, accepting the explanation but not fully believingit. The idea of Hadley long term made Spencer nervous, and if the decision hadto happen now, she couldn’t allow Spencer to make the wrong one.

She leaned in and kissed Spencer, slow and romantic. Her chest ached,her stomach clenched, and she wanted more than anything to be selfish and holdon to what she had. If she said the word, Spencer wouldn’t go. That would be amistake.

“Maybe you’ll tell me all about Paris someday.”

Spencer nodded, lost.

Hadley could identify.

They just had to get through this hard part, right? Goodbyes hurtthe most. Hadley stared at Spencer, her Spencer, who was so very beautiful andsmart. “You remind me of this space captain in a book I’m reading. CaptainJanika.”

“You’ve mentioned her.”

“Because she’s someone I admire. She set out for the unknown,without any knowledge of what she would find there. By the end of the series ofbooks, she was a hero. That’s you.”

Spencer brushed away the now apparent tears. “I don’t know aboutall that. I’m a nobody.”

“I do,” Hadley said, commanding herself to brighten. “And you’renot anymore. You’re Spencer Adair and you’re going to do great things. I canfeel that as plainly as I can feel how much this all hurts right now.” Shestood, and Spencer followed. “No,” Hadley said, and held out a hand. “Maybedon’t walk me out. Let me remember you here, just like this. The hero about tohead out on her journey.” She headed for the door, holding in her emotions witheverything that she had. She wanted to hold Spencer, to kiss her, to spend thenight, and many more, right there with her. While it felt like Spencer wasmeant forher,she apparently wasn’t meant for Spencer.

“Had,” Spencer said.

She turned back.

Spencer seemed to struggle with the words, opening her mouth andclosing it.

Hadley smiled and touched her heart. “I already know.” They staredat each other and Hadley let herself out of the apartment.

* * *

The next few days were a whirlwind for Spencer. There were papersto sign, flights to book, plans to be solidified, and her apartment to pack up.The flurry of activity helped keep her focus on what was ahead, because if shelooked side to side, she would likely come apart and scrap the whole idea.Never in a million years would she imagine she’d let someone in the way she’dallowed Hadley in. She was grateful now to know that was possible but couldn’tquite imagine anything coming close to what Hadley made her feel.

Was she convinced she’d made the right decision? Not at all. ButHadley had a point. She’d always wonder, and life was too short for regrets.She was trying to lead with her head and not her heart, the way she’d led lifeup until this point. It had served her well in the past, and she should staythe course.

Damn if it didn’t hurt, though.

Two days before her plane was set to take off, her parents threwher a small gathering in her mother’s backyard. Family and friends she’d knownsince she was small mingled in the yard drinking fresh lemonade à la Russelland beers of the world. Her father and mother battled over the grill, servingup chicken, hamburgers, and hot dogs for anyone who stepped on up.

“I can’t believe I’m not going to see you until Christmas time,”Kendra said. She bit into her hamburger halfheartedly. “I’ll be sittin’ on thatdamn porch alone.”

“That’s only a couple of months from now,” Spencer pointed out.“It’ll give you time to miss me and make a big deal when I show back up.”

Kendra scoffed. “You’ll be so homesick, it’ll be you making thebig deal.” She imitated a weeping Spencer, her arms outstretched. “Kendra,thank God it’s you! Put me back together again so I’m whole.” She continued toblubber into her beer.

Spencer laughed, knowing it was a very possible outcome. She’dspent her entire life in LA. Leaving it now felt necessary but awful. No moreweeknight dinners with her parents, or porch sitting with Kendra. She didn’tlet herself think on her more recent happiness, but Kendra went there anyway,pushing on the bruise.

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