Page 74 of To the Moon and Back

“If they seem happy, then you’re all good.” Carly pushed off thecounter and wandered back to the living room. She should have talked it outwith Lauren further, told her all about her own insecurities when she’d startedout. Offered a few tips. She honestly wanted to participate in Lauren’sjourney. She just also couldn’t seem to make herself engage.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lauren followed her with afurrowed brow. She’d been shooting Carly those concerned looks ever since she’dwon the film role. It was becoming almost painful to be on the receiving end ofthem.

“No. There’s nothing to say, right? I’m not going to cry to youabout poor little me just as you’re arriving home from a full day on set. I’mhappy for you, Lauren. You are the most deserving person I could imagine. I’mjust…not myself.”

“I know.” Lauren sighed. She rolled her lips in, thoughtful. “Ifeel like you resent me.”

“I know.” Carly didn’t offer a further explanation, which was ashitty thing to do.

After a long moment, Lauren nodded and headed up the windingstaircase, deflated. Carly didn’t hear anything from her for a couple of hours.Finally, she headed up. What she found surprised her: Lauren had packed herbelongings.

“Wait. What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna get out of your hair.” She faced Carly with a waterysmile.

“What? No. That’s not necessary. You’re welcome to stay here.”

“Welcome?” She laughed through her sadness. “That’s veryhospitable of you, Carly, but I think I’d want to be more than just welcome.More than tolerated. I want you to want me here, and that’s not happeninganymore.”

A long pause. “I do want you here.” It sounded unconvincing evento her own ears. The thing was that underneath all the stuff clogging herbrain, she did want Lauren by her side. Why couldn’t she fight for them?

Lauren nodded. “I can tell.” She placed a hand on her hip andappeared to be sorting through her words. “I think you’re going through a hardtime, and I’m making it worse. I’m going to grab a hotel near the studio, andwe can regroup later. How does that sound?”

“Lauren,” Carly said softly. She hated everything about the ideabut, at the same time, didn’t have the emotional fortitude to wage an effectiveargument.

“Hey,” Lauren said, coming around the bed and taking Carly’s hand.“It’s probably for the best. You get a chance to catch your breath from all ofthis without me on top of you.”

“I like you on top of me,” Carly said, attempting to make a joke,but not fully nailing it.

Lauren squeezed her hand, understanding the underlying meaning.“Let’s get back to that soon, okay?” Carly nodded in response. Lauren tried tosmile. “That’s what I want, anyway.”

She watched Lauren’s normally self-assured demeanor fade, showingcracks in her confidence in their possible future together. That was Carly’sfault. Maybe Lauren was right. Maybe if she got some space, she could pullherself out of this self-imposed isolation and work on being a confidentperson. Honestly, she’d settle for recognizing herself in the mirror again.

“You sure about this?” Carly asked, sliding her hands into theback pockets of her jeans. “Because I’m not.”

“We’re co-existing. Then snarking at each other. Apologizing. Andrepeating the whole process. I miss you so much it hurts all over, so I have todo something to fix it.”

“I miss you, too.” Carly dropped her head. “It has been a bit of apressure cooker. My doing.”

Lauren walked around the bed and closed her suitcase. “Call mewhen you’ve had some time, okay?”

Carly nodded and accepted the kiss Lauren placed on her forehead.She sat on her bed and watched Lauren roll her suitcase out of the bedroom.Tears pooled in her eyes. She thought she heard sniffling from down the hall.Her heart clenched. Yet she had no idea how to stop any of it.

* * *

“Picture’s up. Roll camera. Roll sound. And…action.”

Lauren took her cue and slowly raised her gaze to the actorplaying the prosecutor. “That’s exactly why I’m here.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere. You’re here to make sure that Victorgoes to jail.”

“Yes.” She glared at the defendant, lacing her gaze with menace asshe trembled. She blinked back tears, keeping them at bay momentarily, thenlosing the battle. This was their ninth take and Lauren’s close-up shot. Thatmeant she had to bring it.

“And you want him to go to jail because he killed your child,” theprosecutor boomed.

“Yes,” she said, eyes still trained on Victor. She blinked out ofit and looked to the prosecutor. “No. I mean no.”

“But you said yes. Is it true that you hate Victor for gettingaway with killing your child, and you’ve now framed him for the murder of AmyTrinidad, his own wife.”

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