Page 33 of Marry Me

“But this is different?” His eyebrows still shaded his eyes as he pondered the implication. “You fell for her?”

“Fell for her. No.” A pause. “I don’t know. It was all so fast. But whatever it was, it felt…important.”

“Fuck.” He smacked the top of the table with his open palm. “You’re going to be my wife in, what, seven months? What am I supposed to do with this? It would be one thing if it was just a fluke, but feelings?” He got up and stalked the length of the kitchen and back again. “And what about her? How does she feel?”

“I think we found ourselves in similar positions.”

He nodded, anguish all over his face, and it killed her. “Great. This is wonderful.” They stood in silence for several long moments, each grappling.

Finally, she looked to him. “What do we do?”

“Hell if I know.” He tossed his arm in the air. A moment later, he was more composed. “I think we head to our separate corners and do some thinking.”

She closed her eyes. She didn’t like the sound of that but, at the same time, could concede that it was the best idea. “Yeah, okay.” She stood and carried her plate to the sink but paused in front of him. “I didn’t plan on any of this. I’m just as shocked as you are. I love you.” She placed a hand on his chest, and he relaxed into it. “Please know that.”

He nodded. “I do. Love you, too.” He caught her hand and gave it a squeeze. “Maybe we can talk more tomorrow. Cooler heads. Right now, my thoughts are on top of each other, and I need a beer. No, fuck it. Something stronger.”

“Okay. Let’s do that.” She quietly collected her things and drove home, gripping the steering wheel tighter than she ever had in her life because she needed something solid to hold on to. It felt like her entire everything she depended on had just been upended, and she was dangling in midair, gasping for breath. She didn’t know how to fix any of this. All she was sure of was that she was learning things about herself and should maybe pay attention to the signs the universe was dropping at her feet. At the same time, did she have the courage?

She didn’t sleep well that night, cycling through garish dreams where she searched for Megan everywhere, and no matter what she did kept running into photographs of her instead of the real thing. In another dream, Brent kept calling, but she couldn’t get her phone to pick up, regardless of how hard she tried. Around four a.m., she finallygave up on sleep and sat quietly with a cup of tea, watching the rain through the window.

Brent must have slept much better because when she heard from him midmorning, he had energy in his voice and suggested they meet for brunch at Harley’s Diner, between their homes.

“Here’s the thing,” he said as he swirled his coffee in the dark brown mug. Those things must have been standard issues for diners. They all had them. “You need to figure this thing out, and the only way for that to happen is for you to take a little time for yourself.”

She stared at the strawberry pancakes she’d yet to touch. “And do what exactly? What if I don’t want time to myself?”

“Whatever you need to do. Explore your feelings for women, for Megan Kinkaid, and when you’re ready, you’ll come back.”

He was so sure, so confident. The night apart had certainly restored his sense of direction. Gone was the shock, hurt, and confusion she’d witnessed. In its place sat the business version of Brent, who always believed he’d come out on top. She had to admire him for that. She wished she felt a little bit of his direction.

“I don’t understand. So this is you setting me free?”

“Not forever. But can you marry me and know for sure that it was the right decision given what you’re feeling?”

What an awful question, but she understood its purpose. “No.”

“Then do what you have to do. Like I said, I’ll be here.”

“I don’t know what that is.” She did and she didn’t.

“You’ll figure it out, Ally. You’re a smart person.” He exhaled. “And I know I got angry last night, but I’m glad you told me. We’re able to work on somethingnowthat could have been a problem later. This is going to make us stronger than ever. I just know it.”

“You should have told me about that assistant.”

He shot her a rueful look. “Yeah. I see that now. Just a moment in time, though. A blip. Nothing for you to worry about.”

She did, a little. What else hadn’t he told her because it wasn’t important? She stared down at her finger, at the diamond that she still wasn’t used to. She slid it off her finger and held it out to him.

“I’ll hold on to this for you,” he said and slipped it into his breast pocket.

She nodded glumly. The action felt so final, whether it was or wasn’t. Her throat constricted and ached as she watched him pay thecheck. She’d put them both in a tough spot, yet there was nothing she could do to remedy it fully. But she could do as Brent asked, and take some time and make sure this marriage was what she really wanted. It would give them both peace of mind, and that made it worthwhile.

“I’m still here, you know, if you need anything or want to talk,” Allison told him as they walked to the parking lot. It was one of those sunny yet cold days in winter that usually got her excited to go out and do something cold-weather related. Winters were short in Texas, and she liked to take advantage.

“Same goes for you. My door is always open.” He offered her a nod, gestured behind him to his Bimmer, and headed out. She just stood there in the parking lot long after Brent had driven away, trying to understand the path in front of her, and this new ground beneath her feet. There were papers to grade and probably people she should update about the engagement, but that could all wait. Instead, she slid into a pair of fuzzy gloves, added a scarf, and drove to the crowded shopping mall, where she could take a walk, disappear into the masses, and gather her courage. She was going to need it.

* * *

---