Page 84 of Marry Me

“Tomorrow night. You, me. A couch. We can catch up. Maybe take a bubble bath. What do you say?”

“That sounds amazing. Let me see how my day goes.”

“That feels like a blow-off. If you’d rather not see me, just say so.”

“I definitely want to see you, it’s just…this all feels very complicated, and I’m just trying to stay focused on what’s in front of me.”

“I want to be in front of you. In fact, I’m on my way over.” Allison stood and searched for her shoes as the adrenaline surged. This had gone on long enough, and it was time to find a way forward.

“No, don’t do that. You have work tomorrow. It’s not the best time.”

“Well, then you can tell me that when I knock on your door, and I’ll go.”

“Ally,” Megan said quietly.

“I’ll see you soon.” She clicked off the call and drove to Megan’s apartment, feeling discouraged, but for once she was taking the bull by the horns and fixing things once and for all. She was nervous as hell with clammy palms and heart beating, waiting outside Megan’s door.

“Hey,” Megan said with a smile when she opened her door for Allison to come inside. That was something.

“Thank you for letting me in.”

“I would never turn you away, and you know it. I don’t think I’m capable.” She was friendly enough, but there was a weariness to her demeanor, as if she’d not slept well or had very little emotional energy. She wasn’t sure, but it was possible Megan had been crying. Her eyes were red-rimmed in a manner Allison had never seen.

“Good.” She tugged on Megan’s hand, pulling her to the couch and savoring the feeling of Megan’s skin touching hers. “I’m here because we need to talk. You’ve been distant. I’ve been MIA, and I just want it all to end.”

“Right. Yes. All of that.” Megan’s delivery was less than convincing, but she was at last right there in front of Ally and listening. That was something.

She sat on the leather couch, which was cool beneath her fingertips.The lights in the living room were off, but the bleed-over from the kitchen left them enough light to clearly see each other. She felt comfort within these walls, already filled with so many of her happiest memories. She wanted more, but she couldn’t be the only one. Allison was one hundred and fifty percent in this thing, but she needed to know Megan wanted her back. She met Megan’s eyes and searched for the words, coming up short because this moment felt so very important. “I feel like I’ve let you down.” It was a start. “And I hate that. I keep trying to come up with all sorts of ways to make it up to you, and I will.”

“Do you think that maybe that might just be a little bit of guilt popping up?”

“Of course I feel guilty. After the accident, I’ve not had the same amount of time, and we’ve only seen each other here and there, and to top it all off, this is someone who was very important to me we’re talking about.”

“I guess I was referencing guilt that you embarked upon this journey with me, opened this whole can of worms when you got cold feet over your wedding, and now you feel this sense of obligation to, I don’t know, see it through. But to what end? This is your life we’re talking about.”

That pulled Allison up short. “If I’ve ever given you the impression that you’re some kind of obligation, let me correct that right now. You’re my priority.”

Instead of answering, or lighting up, or taking Ally’s hand, Megan studied the ceiling. That didn’t bode well. Every muscle in Allison’s body went tense, painfully so.

“I think your life is really complicated, and the best thing for everyone might be to simplify.”

“You want me to drop Brent. The thing is that he’s not in the best place—”

Megan pinched the bridge of her nose as if dealing with a difficult problem. “Look, I don’t think either of us thought this would last forever.”

A gut punch. This wasn’t happening. “No?”

Megan met her gaze and inclined her head. They stared at each other, Ally in mystification. Megan in resignation. “Ally,” she saidfinally. The tone of her voice was sympathetic, which was awful. It made Allison feel like a victim, a fool, for not getting the game at hand. She could be naive, but she was sincere, always. Had Megan not been?

“No. Don’t just say my name like that. Explain what’s going on.”

Megan swallowed. Calm. Dammit. No. “I feel like we had a really good time together, and we both learned a lot. But I think your old life is calling. And so is mine.”

“That’s awful. How can you say something like that so easily?”

Megan passed her a reassuring smile. She had on her professional face now. The one Allison had seen her assume when she calmed down a hysterical bride or tried to reason with a vendor to get what she wanted at a certain price. “I don’t mean for any of this to sound awful, but I’m someone who tries to look at the big picture.”

“And we’re not in it,” Allison said flatly.

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