Page 28 of The Last Lavender Sister

Brynn had whirled around, taking the plate with her. “Hands off. We’re in love.”

“You can’t love damaged chicken. Hand it over.”

“Aster. Look at me.” Intensity flashed. “You can try and take this plate out of my hands”—she turned back, green eyes glistening in challenge—“but you will lose.”

Aster rolled her bottom lip in and ran her tongue across it, resisting the urge to tackle Brynn right there on the kitchen floor and allow herself to do a few of the things she’d forbidden her mind from imagining in detail. It’s not that she didn’t feel every part of Brynn when they were together. Her instincts, the pull, the continuous tension, a gushing waterfall without an off switch. Brynn overwhelmed and consumed, so of course shefelt. But Aster had grown very adept at restraint. She should be nominated for an award, in fact.

But that night on the couch, she couldn’t take the sidestepping what was right in front of them for one second longer. “Brynn?”

“Yeah?” She blinked twice and dog-eared the book. The horror slashed. Aster let it go, swallowing an affectionate smile, because Brynn could make something that offensive endearing just because it was all her.

“I’m going to say something.”

“You already are, but go on.” A proud grin.

She was being playful. Aster wasn’t. “I have a crush on you. I think you know that.”

She watched as Brynn’s eyes widened almost imperceptibly. “I know that we’ve gotten…close.”

“That’s one word for it. We touch a lot. We cuddle. We stare at each other when the other isn’t looking and sometimes when they are.”

Brynn hugged the book to her chest. “I’ve caught those things, too. I think it comes very naturally for me to touch you. I wish I had a better explanation. I look at a lot of people.”

“Fair enough. Do you have a crush on me?”

Silence crashed the party and decided to hang out awhile, which Aster allowed. For what felt like a lifetime, she watched as Brynn’s face filled in pink as a myriad of emotions crossed her features. What a journey she was taking. “I guess I do. Yes.” Defeat won out, toppling the other emotions and taking up residence on Brynn’s face.

“And we’re adults.”

“Who are doing really well right where they are.”

Aster exhaled, loudly. Purposefully.

“You don’t like that answer,” Brynn said. She articulated the words like an older, wiser woman who was ready to explain a few things about life. Nope. Aster wasn’t about playing the role of child. Not when it came to her and Brynn.

She leaned in to honesty. “I don’t know what to do with all the energy I feel bouncing between us. I like you in my space.”

Brynn swallowed and that was telling. “Do you?” She was using the question to buy time. Aster felt a little bad for putting her on the spot, but the cause was a good one. A desperate cause.

“I just said so. Yes. I want you here all the time. In a lot of capacities. Do you feel the same?”

“Do I like being in your space? Yes.” She lifted her shoulders and stared at the wall. “Why are you asking me loaded and dangerous questions?”

“Because I can’t not anymore. Do you understand? I can’t sit here with you and feel you all over and love who we’re becoming without acknowledging the fact that I want more. And maybe you’re not supposed to just blurt that stuff, but I have to.”

Something flickered behind Brynn’s eyes, and Aster saw the resolve crumble. Finally. All she needed from Brynn was an honest moment devoid of pretense or evasion. “I need this, Aster. What we have going. You matter to me every bit as much as I matter to you. Maybemore. I was floundering before I moved here, and when I met you, it felt like I’d finally swum to shore. I could breathe. I had something to hold on to, this friendship, our connection, and because I do not want to wreck it, this precious thing, I can’t let myself explore anything bigger.” Brynn looked up at the ceiling and back again. “I’m not in good enough emotional standing to do that. My last relationship ended in the worst way imaginable, and not only that but you’re leaving.”

“Should I not leave? Tell me not to go.”

“And resent me forever? What? No. You’re absolutely going. This is your dream, Aster, and I will not stand in the way.” She took Aster’s palm and placed it against hers, threading their fingers. “As much as it will crush me to lose you to Boston, it’s where you need to be. I’m going to be here for the handful of months I have left, cheering you on, and missing you like crazy.” Something unexpected happened. Brynn’s eyes were filled with tears, which was just about the most upsetting thing Aster could see.

“Please don’t cry. I get it.” She reached for her, and Brynn’s arms went around her neck automatically. “Is there anything I can do?”

She heard Brynn sniffle and laugh against her shoulder. “You can ignore my blubbering and be my friend. The one I need more than any other friend.”

Resolve. She could do this. Her heart hurt because this put a full stop to the kernel of hope she’d gone into the conversation cradling. But this was what Brynn needed. “The best part is that’s something I think I know how to do.”

Brynn pulled back and took Aster’s face in her hands. “If someone had told me, when I met you months ago, that the shy and kind of curious girl back at Larry’s was going to become this person in my life, this important fixture, I would have laughed you off.”

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