Page 56 of The Last Lavender Sister

“Would you have wanted to know?”

Brynn opened her mouth and closed it. “Yes. It’s important in the scheme of your life. Wouldn’t you have wanted to know if I was with someone?”

“Well, you were,” Aster said quietly, tossing a glance at her friends across the room, making sure they were speaking privately.

“Exactly. And I told you all about Micah.”

“Because you had actual feelings for her. That’s the part that mattered.”

“I’m not sure I agree. I’m still figuring this out.” She took a moment to just breathe. “And you don’t have feelings for Nora? Be honest.”

“Not like that. No.” Her eyes were so sincerely filled with confusion that part of Brynn wanted to wrap Aster up in her arms while the other part wanted to throttle her for hiding this part of her life. Causing Brynn to question so much. Why were all of her Aster feelings always so big? For the good or the bad, they overwhelmed her, full-on consumed. Everything was Aster.

“But you slept together.” It was a statement. Brynn was piecing together the details, so she could assess the larger picture. She could already tell she didn’t like it.

Aster touched her hair and then let her arm drop. She was uncomfortable and didn’t know what to do with her hands. “Yeah. We did.”

“Okay. Once?”

She hesitated. Great. Fabulous. Brynn’s face rushed hot, and the room ran oppressive in its lack of oxygen. She felt the urge to tug the neck of her sweater away from her body because she was drowning in discomfort. This whole thing was sickeningly familiar, and her pastcame roaring back to her. The details of Tiffany’s betrayal settled all over her. She couldn’t let something like that happen again. Was Aster capable of something like that? Two days ago, the answer would have been positively no. Now, she wasn’t sure. She hated that she was here again, blindsided by someone she cared about. “It’s too hot in here for this conversation. Can we go?”

Aster didn’t hesitate. “I’ll get our coats.”

They spilled into the parking lot of the apartment complex, and the blast of cold air was a helpful slap in the face. Brynn could breathe now, and that meant she could think.

“I’m sorry about not bringing up Nora,” Aster said. “We were friends first who pushed that boundary.”

“You were sleeping with her.” To Brynn, that wasn’t even the part that mattered most. “But that part I understand. You were single. You weren’t cheating on anyone. But you framed your life and relationship with Nora with tons of details. I knew what you guys watched on TV together. Why leave out such a major one unless your goal was to purposefully withhold or mislead? I don’t even know which.”

Aster looked back, confused. “I just…couldn’t.”

Brynn closed her eyes, wishing for a clearer explanation. They were on different pages in this conversation. “Can you drive me back to the hotel? I don’t feel well.” The total truth. Her stomach lurched uncomfortably. How had so much changed in the span of ten minutes?

They drove in silence for the first half of the trip, which was too long. It gave Brynn time to simmer in bewilderment and distrust as she examined this thing from every angle.

Finally, the incredulity exploded. “None of this adds up. You told me what time you finished work. Jokes your friends cracked. Conversations with your boss. Even the quiet parts of your thoughts. You were never dishonest, but you also weren’t forthcoming.”

“I know.” Aster opened her mouth and closed it.

That was a big problem for Brynn, who’d tied herself to an emotional train the moment she decided to profess her feelings to Aster. Now, here she sat, speeding toward a brick wall all over again against her fucking will. How?

Aster seemed to regroup. “I hear all that you’re saying.” She squeezed the steering wheel. “It didn’t feel like the kind of thing you’d put in a letter to someone who…was you. You’re Brynn. The personI think about a lot. Almost every minute of the day since we started writing. And, well, maybe it was more that I didn’t want you to think of me in this other light. With someone else.”

“The light you were actually living in?”

Aster closed her eyes. “It sounds awful when you put it in those terms. What if hearing about me with Nora scared you away? You’re too important, Brynn. You’re the most important. You have no idea what you mean to me.”

Brynn pushed that last part aside. She had to. “Okay, letters aside. How about when I showed up in Boston and professed my stupid feelings?”

“Your feelings aren’t stupid. Please never say that.”

“Don’t you think at some point you offer up that there’s been someone? Come clean. Cards on the table. It matters at that point. I thought I knew everything because you made me think I did. You should have corrected that.”

“If it had been more, I would have said something. Nora and I arefriends.”

“Who have sex with each other. In secret.”

“No. It’s never been a secret, it’s just—”

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