Page 39 of Dream a Little Dream

“See? Not entirely closed and unfeeling.” I bumped her shoulder. I didn’t know if it was the vulnerable moment she’d shared with me earlier or the two martinis that made me feel closer to Kyle, but thatfamiliar connection hovered somewhere close by. I was afraid to look at it head-on.

“No, I’d say you’re kind for saying so. Thank you.” She looked down at her jacket. “This one’s seen me through a lot.” We sat in silence for a moment.

“What was his name? The boy.”

She stared out at the water. “Jacob.”

“His name was Jacob.” I went still. “Jacob’s a good name.” I was someone who believed in coincidences. But the story that changed her year and the story that had changed mine were linked by the same name, and it felt too important to be just that.

“He liked outdoor sports and playing video games with his friends and was counting the days until his family’s annual camping trip to the state park at Myrtle Beach.”

“He sounds like a great kid.” I watched her profile. “And I think he knows you did everything you could.”

She nodded. “I hope so. More than anything.”

“I lost my parents when I was almost twelve.”

“I remember. I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.”

“The world was upside down. There’s no other way to describe something like that year. When I was in school, after they’d passed, I used to imagine my mom watching my day. I’d imagine her reacting in heaven to how I did on a test or what new friend I’d made. I hoped that she was proud of me, but at some point, I had to stop wishing the accident had never happened and play the hand I’d been dealt.”

She nodded. “I hear the advice coming my way. And you’re right. I can’t change what happened to Jake. That’s what his friends and family called him. But I’m trying to figure out how to be me again.”

“How much more damage are you going to allow that day to do?”

“That’s an interesting way of framing it. I don’t think I’ve come at it from that angle before. It feels unending.”

“It can. But the potential to do good is still right there stretched out in front of you. Don’t deprive the world or yourself of all that’s still left. What do you need to make that happen?”

The wind swept in and flipped up the side of the blanket. It also lifted the strands of hair that framed Kyle’s face. “I want to get past the crippling doubt. I want to get back to medicine as I once knew it.”

“If it helps at all, you seemed to be doing just fine when you treated me.”

“The hospital here is different. The pace. The types of cases. I think it’s been good for me. I like the time I spend there.”

I turned to her fully. “Are you saying you haven’t been back to work until now?”

She winced. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. I resigned from the hospital after I was cleared in the investigation. I just didn’t trust myself. I was a wreck.” She dropped her head back and watched what we could see of the stars. “I have you to partly thank for taking the first step.”

“What do I have to do with any of it?”

“You make me want to be better,” she said without hesitation, lifting her head and looking over at me. “Being around you again, even in short spurts, has given me the kick in the ass to try again. This place turned out to be exactly what I needed.”

“We definitely move at a slower pace around here. I imagine the ER is less exciting.”

“But no less important. And maybe the change is the perfect reentry point for me. So, thank you. How’s the foot?”

“It didn’t love the short walk down here.”

“Maybe I should have carried you.” The concept short-circuited my brain. Dr. Remington carrying me down to the beach, protective and in charge. I could live in that kind of fantasy for a long time.

“Maybe you should have.” I met her gaze, and a familiar spark crackled. She didn’t have an answer for that. I’d clearly caught her off guard, which I kind of liked. I didn’t have a map for handling the Kyle and me situation. I knew what she’d done had hurt me, but it wasn’t the worst thing a person could do by any means. Her explanation actually resonated. The problem? It didn’t make me any less afraid. Part of that was on me. My fear of losing, of picking up my heart and figuring out a way to move forward. I was way too familiar with loss and the damage it could do.

“I can forgive you, Kyle. But I’m not sure I can let you back in again. Even if I want to.”

Kyle nodded, solemn and thoughtful. “I completely understand.” We stared out at the mysteries of the ocean. “And do you want to?”

“I don’t think I want to answer that. I’m allowed to plead the Fifth.”

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