Page 75 of Mad Love

God, I’m a fool for thinking I would ever be enough for him. Tired of his silence, I make contact first. I send Maddox a text.

Me: Don’t wait up. I’m staying an extra night

The message is delivered. Gray bar with three dots show up on my screen. He’s typing out a response. I wait. The bar and dots disappear. Nothing.

“Sweetheart?”

I glance up. They’re staring at me.

“I–I have a headache. I’ll be in my room if you need me.”

I leave the office and shuffle to the bedroom with my head down. Snippets of my conversation with the Shanahans run through my mind like a song I can’t get out of my head.

At any point in time did you send men after your kidnapper?

So long as he kept his promise, I was supposed to keep mine. I would never search for him.

I would never search for him. My grandfather’s promise.

I would never search for them. My promise to Roman. That I would never make contact with the team of men who were beat unconscious for failing to realize I had snuck out of Roman’s place. No one knew I was gone until Tobias checked on me. Then all hell broke lose from what Rylan told me.

Well, didn’t everyone all around break their promises to me? Roman promised never to hurt someone I cared about. I cared for all those guys. They were good to me. Grandfather said he’d always take care of me. That’s what he said the day my family buried my parents. Worst of all is Maddox. Didn’t he vow to love me and only me until death do us part?

I’m a fool. A lovesick fool.

Oh, God, I fell for him.

I groan low in the back of my throat. Throw my hands in the air. Stomp to the bedroom.

How can someone fall in love after knowing a person for less than two weeks? A person can’t, and I’ll prove it. It’s cliché, but I’ll kill two birds with one stone. I’ll conquer my fears and nab my kidnapper.

All this time, I’ve been on the defensive, surrounding myself with men who can keep the threats at bay. My fear of skin on skin, of being kidnapped, of having to answer questions about my time with my kidnapper, of having to make small talk with strangers because it’s expected of me as a Lexington . . . Bullshit.

It’s time I take control of my life. I write my own destiny. My fate won’t be decided by my kidnapper, my family—the McCabes and the Lexingtons—or my husband. I’ll go on the offensive, starting with one fear first before I move on to the next.

The best way to kill fear is to pit it against anger, and I know just how I’ll bring Maddox to heel.

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