“Maybe I want simple.”
“Not here.” She rolls off me, gets off the bed, and opens the door. I follow her.
Rue doesn’t make eye contact. Her attention is on a spot over my shoulder. I have an idea what she is lost in thought about. I step forward and stand close enough to caress the arch of her cheek with my knuckle.
“Is it because of the memories of us? Of what could have been had you not lost our baby?”
She glances up with sadness on her face and fire in her eyes. “Don’t you ever bring her up again. She was never yours.”
I should leave and let Rue have the last word. Except I can’t. Two years ago, she left me hanging about our baby. A girl, huh? I can see Rue with a baby girl in her arms.
I grasp Rue’s hand in mine and set it above the spot over my heart. “She will always be mine. Will always live here. I’m sorry you went through what you did.”
The pain and sorrow Rue must’ve felt… I let go of her hand and wrap my arms around her, bringing her close until her thin body is flush against mine. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you and our baby.” My throat tightens, and my chest aches. “We need to talk about what happened.”
“Not tonight. Please.” Her voice trembles, and this vulnerable side of her is one I’ve only seen once before. It was the night I made her mine, and she made me her first.
“Eventually, can we?”
She untangles from my arms, taking the heat with her.
“Yes, but not when I hate you with all my heart. I’m sorry.”
Rue stares at the floor. Long, inky strands fall forward and frame her face. We can talk about what happened, but not when she hates me. What is the antonym of hate?Love.Loving her is the answer to freeing us from our past and our anger. Maybe then, she’ll let me in, and we can finally have that talk about our baby.
“I accept your hate. Your hate is what keeps me going in life. Your hate is what will keep me by your side. Hate me all you want, Rue. I can handle it.”
I leave her and walk into my room with purpose in my stride. I grab my cell off my nightstand and do something I thought I would never do. I text Red.
Me: Can we talk?
Gray bar. Three dots.
Crazy Cousin: Rue?
Me: Yeah
Crazy Cousin: WTF with Trace?
Me: Sorry. Breaking up tomorrow
Crazy Cousin: Thank fuck.
Gray bar. Three dots. Whatever he’s trying to tell me, I beat him to it
Me: Do you have feelings for her?
I wait. Seconds pass. Then minutes. Pissed that he has the upper hand, I toss my cell on the nightstand and flop onto the bed with my arm across my eyes.
My phone pings. I snatch it and glance at the screen.
Crazy Cousin: Fuck off
I smile. Typical. Red’s a jerk. I set my cell phone down, strip down to my boxers, and get under the covers. Sleep doesn’t come easy. I toss and turn, anticipating another eventful day with Rue.
21
RUE