Page 10 of Beneath the Fame

The more they accepted me, the more they accepted my influence, which…I had to be careful with.

Which I’dbeencareful with.

All my life, I’d been made hyper-aware of “reputation.”

Reputation overeverything.

My parents had believed it to be a key to success, especially as I aged out of the “cuteness” that had driven a lot of my popularity as a child in show business. Puberty hit me hard, stretching me to adult height when I was just twelve years old. Because of that, I was warned that people would start ascribing adult pathologies to decisions I was making with a child’s mind.

I had to grow up fast.

Maybe too fast.

At the same time, I fully recognized the privilege in my parents’ view as well—they were right about what the “good guy” reputation would do for me. It made me palatable to a “wide” audience, which got me roles that might otherwise have been inaccessible. It opened doors, big time, so there was nothing to complain about, except maybe missing out on the typical “teen” things.

Then I went to college.

It was a controversial decision, but one I insisted on, wanting the education and experience of just being “normal” for a change. Except, Istillhad to consider reputation in a way that didn’t exist for many of my peers, still had to be cautious and fully extrapolate every little thing.

Which…was how I would up burying myself in football.

My parents hated it, my agent hated it, the lawyers hated it.

I loved it though, and so did my coach, and my college team. If it wasn’t for an Achilles injury, I may have never gone back to acting, but…things happened as they happened.

And I got to work through some of my lingering love for football here at the community center, coaching these kids. It gave them something outside of school, the streets, and whatever was happening at home to focus on. The Cartwright Center hadn’t yet started building a real community team the way they had with basketball, but the skills I worked with the kids on, they took to their school teams.

They made sure to keep my involvement lowkey, in respect for my privacy—and safety. These afternoons weren’t that easy to coordinate, but I wouldn’t trade it for much.Thisdidn’t have anything to do with appearances, it was just…what I felt like I should be doing.

A pivot I was leaning into more and more.

After so many years in the business, I’d somewhat paid my dues I felt. I couldn’t keep stifling who I actually was to continue playing into theman every father wants for his daughterfaçade. It wasn’t even about that being fake—I didn’t have any interest in being a dirtbag or any shit like that.

But the pressure to never do anything controversial, to make sure my image stayed squeaky clean, blah blah…it was stifling.

I was over it.

So when people asked me why the role of Jude, who was such a big departure from the hero I usually played, it wasn’tjustabout wanting something to challenge me.

It was about shaking up people’s view of me, pulling myself out of the box I’d been in so damn long.

Which was big part of why I’d gotten on theIn the Zoneinterview with Arnez and Arizona. It was good publicity for the show, sure, but the laid back, casual,messyformat was what I was really after. Yeah, I drank sometimes, yeah in real life I cussed, because I was a grown-ass man, with grown man sensibilities.

I hadn’tfullyunderstood that Vanessa and I would be sharing the time slot.

Thatwas a pleasant surprise.

To say the absolute least.

“How you gone fault the kids for looking at the same ass you were drooling over a few nights ago?” I heard from behind me and looked up to see Reid Phillips strolling in my direction.

Formerly a politician—aspiring politician—Reid was a good influence for the kids because he grew up in a Vegas neighborhoodmuchrougher than this, but he worked himself into a position to get beyond those limits. Now, he was married to the actual director of the center, Rowan, and had devoted his time—and considerable funding—to more grassroots work.

Like this.

“I never said I blamed them,” I chuckled, extending a hand to slap his before coming in for a quick one-armed embrace. “Just not what they’re supposed to be focused on.”

“And what aboutyou?” Reid asked, eyebrow raised. “Rowan showed me a few minutes of that interview. She was surprised to see you so…unbuttoned. And hell, I was too.”

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