Page 7 of Beneath the Fame

“Well, hecan’thear me, for starters. I’m outside doing conditioning drills, so boom,” she chimed. “But with that said…you know him and Alec used to play together, right?”

My eyes went wide. “Really? I knew I heard about him playing football, but I didn’t know it was like that.”

“Yeah, they went to school together, were on the same team in college. So…he probably wouldn’t like it that much, but he doesn’t have to hear about it.Youdo. So…you and Alec, huh?”

I sighed. “No,notme and Alec. He’s…a gentleman.”

“And that’s…bad?”

“Notbad, just…not my usual vibe.”

“Right, and where exactly has your ‘usual vibe’ gotten you?”

Damn.

When the girl was right…she was right.

I wouldn’t necessarily say I wasbadat choosing men, it was more that…I chose the men I did for what some might call bad reasons.

I was young, hot, rich, successful, busy—I didn’t have time to be worried about a relationship with agoodman, which would take time, energy, communication, sacrifice…all kinds of things I was enjoyingnothaving to consider.

I chose men that fit my lifestyle—men who didn’t need to last, because I didn’t want somethinglasting.

Except now…that was starting to change.

A lot of the shit I used to do just wasn’t appealing anymore, and watching my fellow baddies settle into situations that actually fed their souls instead of draining them…it had me thinking.

Just a little though.

I wasstillyoung, hot, rich, successful, and busy—and in the middle of a career shift anyway.

If Alec gave “temporary” kinda vibes, maybe I would play a little more into Teagan’s words, but with everything I knew about him…I didn’t think he was about those kind of games.

So I was unwilling to play.

He was a good dude—not the type I wanted to create hard feelings with, which I couldn’t say for every relationship I’d left behind me over the years.

Physical attraction aside, I actuallylikedAlec as a person.

Another huge part of why those comments and the hundreds of others just like them had gotten under my skin so bad.

It would kill me if people’s shitty opinions ofmebled off onhim.

I’d already been pegged dealer’s choice of derogatory names for women who embraced their sexuality loud and proud – and the fact that I was unapologetic, never tried to explain myself or make excuses for it just made it worse.

Not only was I a whore, slut, loose, whatever way the wind was blowing that day, I was a loud-mouthed one, whose music often “glorified” the same ideals I had for myself, for other women.

I was a bad influence – not just on other women, but young girls.

Did Iagreewith that?

Of course not.

But it’s what “they” said.

And in the movie/TV industry, public opinion weighed way more heavily than in music. There, I could be a “bad girl” and still get booked.

Over here?

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