“He was nice at first. So nice. He took me out, showed me things, snuck me into bars. He treated me like I was the most important person in the world. I was seventeen. I’d never felt so wanted, needed. He never touched me, though. I was young and stupid and wanted him. But he held off, never laying a finger on me. He waited until…” I let my words trail off. I didn’t know if I could share this part of my past. It was something that I’d never shared with anyone. I tilted my head up and looked into Jack’s eyes. There was a gentleness there that I never could have imagined.
“Tell me.”
The kindness in his eyes, his voice, melted my resistance. “I graduated in the spring, just like everyone else. I’d already been accepted into Duke. My mother took me to a fancy lunch at the country club. I begged off for the rest of the evening and told her I was going out with my friends. She let me go. I met up with him at a restaurant downtown. I paid. I always paid. And then he took me back to his place. I’d never been there before. It was in an old Victorian house that had been split into duplexes. His was on the back. The stairs felt wobbly, creaky, but he led me up them. I followed. I was excited and scared all at once. I’d never, well, I’d never been with anyone, so…”
Could I do this? Could I tell? I took a deep breath and let the truth rush out of me. “So we went inside. He poured wine. I drank. He poured more and more. I remember lying on his couch. It smelled funny. Like old sweat and stale weed. I tried to get up. But he put his hand on my shoulder. He was on top of me. I told him I was drunk and that I wanted to go home. I was scared. But he, he didn’t listen. He just… He pushed me down harder and he—” My voice broke on a sob I didn’t even know was there.
“Shhhh.” Jack turned to face me and wrapped me in his arms. I buried my face into the crook of his neck.
My tears overtook me. I was devastated to hear it out loud. It was the one secret I’d kept the longest. The one I couldn’t bear to show under the light of day. For so long I’d felt like it was my fault, as if I’d done something that made me deserve it.
“Don’t cry. Don’t cry. It’s okay.” He smoothed my hair and kissed the top of my head.
My hitching breaths slowly dissipated and I quieted again. But there was more. I dreaded the rest. Hated every bit of it even more than what Mason had done that first night. But the cork was out of the bottle. I had to tell him, to keep going.
“I got pregnant.”
He nodded. “Adele.”
“Yes. When Mason found out I was pregnant, he threatened to take her. To fight me for custody. I couldn’t let him. I couldn’t bear it. She became my world, my everything, the moment I saw her and held her. So I had to make a deal with him.”
He tensed, the muscles in his shoulders stiffening against me. “What sort of deal?”
“Money. That’s really all he ever wanted. When he met me that day at the home build project, he asked me my name. I gave it, not thinking a thing about it. He was practically salivating at the thought of getting a Rochester into his grasp. But he didn’t realize my family name was just a front. We have the house and a couple of other holdings that will pay until my mother dies. Other than that, we’re practically paupers.”
“But you pay him? Is that why he showed up that day at the house?”
“Yes. I do. Just to keep him away. To make him leave Adele alone. I was so stupid then. And now, I’m paying for my mistake. I have to. I couldn’t bear for Adele to know the truth. I tell her that her father was a boy I met at summer camp, kind and sweet, but that I can’t remember his name or anything about him other than how nice he was. She believed me when she was little, not so much now. She’s challenged me on it a few times, but I avoid letting it come to a head. Sometimes, I work late or take projects out of town when she starts up on me about it. I can’t tell her, no matter how much she pushes. I never want her to know the truth. I’d do anything to keep it from her.”
Another tear slipped down my cheek because I already knew the pitch-black depths to which I’d sink to keep Mason quiet. So much was riding on this Belle Mar deal that I felt sick just thinking about it. I’d do whatever it took to get the building sold.
“So, no court then? No rape charge?”
I flinched at the word.
“I’m sorry.” He spread his hand along my back and pressed me to him, as if trying to stanch my wound.
It’s odd, I never thought the word when I would remember what happened. It was just that: “what happened.” I kept it vague, like an unfortunate incident that’s best forgotten. It was as if it would hurt me in a way that could never be undone if I said the word. Jack, though, he didn’t fear it. Just like Maria said, he was solid in every way that counted.
“No, it’s okay. I mean, it’s the truth. But I could never admit that in court. Never. It would wreck my family name even more than the pregnancy did. And the repercussions would be even worse for my professional life. I couldn’t bear for anyone to look at me differently. To look at me with pity. And, more than anything else, I never want Adele to feel like I did. Dirty. To be a child of-of… Do you understand?”
He nestled into my hair, his voice low against my ear. “I understand. I do. I know how it feels to be trapped, caged by someone else. But do you understand that none of it was your fault?”
“I-I…want to. But, I don’t know why, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m somehow to blame. Like, maybe I led him on or I shouldn—”
“Eden, no. You did nothing wrong. You hear me?” His tone was gruff as he pushed me away. His eyes bored into me, shaking me out of my fear. “Tell me you know that it wasn’t your fault.”
His intensity took my breath away.
“Tell me, Eden.” His voice softened, but his look was no less demanding.
“It-It wasn’t my fault.”
“Good.” He relaxed, and I fell back into his arms. His voice was a deep rumble. “Never think for a second you have any blame in this. Never.”
Maybe not in this. Maybe he was right. But I had committed plenty of other blameworthy sins since my graduation all that time ago. Things I couldn’t tell Jack, not yet, not ever.
CHAPTER TWELVE