Page 88 of Sleepless Nights and Hockey Fights

He speaks over the rim of his mug. “Ramona might have mentioned on Christmas that Bobby asked you and Matty to move in with him, and you freaked.”

I gasp. “She had no business telling you that.”

“Well, I’m glad she did because...I’m pretty sure it’s my fault.”

I pull my head back and eye him. “How could that possibly be your fault? I just said I’m wired to be wary, and that started well before our marriage crashed and burned.”

“Bobby called me,” Blake confesses.

“Wait. When?Why?” What would possess my boyfriend to call my ex-husband?

“A few days before Christmas, he called asking for my advice because he felt you slipping away. I told him you needed to feel secure in his feelings for you so you wouldn’t wonder if he was all in or not.”

My jaw drops. “So you told him to ask me to move in with him?!”

“No! I swear I didn’t know he was going to do that. I thought maybe he needed to spell out his feelings or something. Maybe go public with your relationship? I don’t know.” Blake shakes his head.

“Look, Blake, I was already putting distance between us before he asked me that. There were a lot of reasons.”

He rolls his eyes. “So, you don’t love him?” When I don’t respond, he jabs a finger in my direction. “Youdolove him. Well, holy shit.”

I glance behind me toward the hall to make sure Matty isn’t listening. “This doesn’t change anything, Blake,” I whisper-hiss.

He doesn’t bother to whisper his response. “As far as I can tell, the guy is out of his fucking mind over you. So, what’s the problem?”

I cough out a laugh and chug the remains of my coffee. “Come on, Blake. We live in the real world. Bobby is basically a movie star. Our kinds don’t end up together.” I slam the mug to the table to punctuate my point.

Blake is unimpressed. “Why not? Two years ago, I was married to a beautiful woman, and today I own a dog with a man who posed for last year’s first responders calendar.”

I cock my head. “I could have guessed that about Luke. Those biceps.”

“Stop trying to distract me when I’m making an important point.”

“And what point is that?” I ask as I stand to take my mug to the sink. I hesitate at the last second and grab Blake’s from his hand as well.

“Hey! I was drinking that.”

If he’s going to lecture me in my own kitchen, I’m taking his coffee.

Unfortunately, he continues with whatever point he’s trying to make. “I could have stayed married to you and pretended for the rest of my life.”

“And we both would have been miserable,” I reply over the running water in the sink.

“It was the safe option. To stick with the status quo and not take the leap to be true to myself. I blew up our lives to live my truth.”

This is ridiculous. I shut off the water and turn to my ex as I slump back into the counter. “And I’m glad you did. It all worked out for the best.”

“I know. And I can’t tell you how happy I am that I took the chance and didn’t stay in the closet my whole damn life just because coming out would make life messy.”

I know where he’s going with this. “That’s different. That was about being your true self.”

“And it feels pretty fucking good to be unafraid to live the life I want. I highly recommend it.”

“Yeah, Mom.” We both turn to see Matty standing in the doorway. “Life is messy. Dad’s gay. You love a hockey player.We can’t just give up when things get scary. Everyone makes mistakes and then we forgive each other and move on.”

“Come here, kid.” I extend my arms and Matty moves in for a hug. When he finally pulls back, I grab both his forearms and take a good long look at his handsome face, those boyish features that will be too grown up far too soon. “I’d never give up onyou, no matter what.”

“I know. Dad said the same thing when I confessed something big to him last night.” Matty and I both glance to Blake, and he nods to Matty. Our son drops his eyes to his feet and swallows hard.

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