Page 56 of Anchored

I swallow back the cackle that now seems highly inappropriate and address those three little words making my heart pound in my chest. Hope is a sneaky thing, winding her way through my veins before I’ve had a chance to calm her down and talk reason. “Did you mean to anchor that thought in your journal instead of saying it out loud?”

Holt hasn’t moved a muscle since blurting it out. I think maybe I sucked the life out of him, but no, there it is. Movement. His gaze draws up and down my face, each sweep relaxing his shoulders and rekindling the fire in his eyes. And then…a brilliant smile. The kind that lights my world and burns away all the doubts swirling in my brain.

“No,” he says simply.

I tilt my head and push a lock of hair off my sweaty forehead. It’s getting hot here in this Jeep without a window cracked. “No, you don’t love me? Or no, you didn’t mean to anchor the word?”

Holt fumbles with his shorts and tucks himself back inside before swiveling toward me, now suddenly crackling with energy. “No, I didn’t mean to anchor it. I meant to say it to you.” His grin turns sheepish, but he takes my hands in his. “Maybe not right this second. A more romantic moment, perhaps, but I’m not sorry you know. I love you, Maple. I’ve been trying to talk myself out of it, but there’s no reasoning with what I feel in my heart.”

Every battered and bruised part of my own heart leans toward him.

“Will you let me start over? Explain myself?” His light eyes have gone deep blue, sincere in his request.

I nod and he shoots me a relieved smile before letting me go and climbing out of the Jeep. He comes around the hood and opens my door, helping me to my feet. I only get one step toward the cabin before he swoops me up into his arms.

“What are you doing?” I protest, but ruin it by snuggling into his strong chest and wrapping my arms around his neck. I play with his hair, seeing how it’s gotten longer and lighter since I got here.

“I figured a little more romance would go a long way,” he answers with a smirk. He’s not even breathing hard when he gets down the long driveway and opens the cabin’s front door. It strikes me as odd not to hear Mookie’s little nails scratching the wood floor to greet us. How quickly I’ve come to associate this cabin and this man with home.

He deposits me on the couch and sits down next to me. “I’m actually kind of embarrassed I said that…you know…after…” His cheeks have a tinge of pink to them, and it’s adorable.

“A blow job?”

He closes his eyes for a moment. “Yeah. I meant it, but my timing should have been better. I’m sorry for that.”

I put my hands on his to stop him. “I’m not really a girl who needs all the romantic gestures. I’d rather have honesty.”

He nods, knowing my history with Dexter. “And I can honestly say that I love you. I love your devotion to your grandma. I love your heart for animals and their owners. I admire how you actively work on the things that some other man hurt you with. Those wounds weren’t inflicted by you, but you’re doing the work to heal them anyway. I love your style and how you move your body. I love your sense of humor and the courage you displayed by coming here and pretending to be engaged to me. I love how we blend so seamlessly.” He looks down at our hands. “I always thought a woman wouldn’t want to live with me. I’m difficult. I forget things. I lose track of time. And yet, you don’t seem to mind. You accept my failings and help me through them. You’re incredible, Maple.”

Tears have gathered in my eyes. No one has ever said anything like that to me before, not even my own parents. They tell me they love me, sure, but it’s always followed up with what I need to do better.I love you, but…

Not Holt. He loves me. Full stop. No buts, or I wish you did this, or if only I could change you.

“You make me feel safe to be me,” I say quietly. “Maybe the first person who’s ever made me feel that way. I didn’t come here looking for love, but I should have known that Anchor Lake would be the place I’d find it. It’s always been home for me.”

Holt’s eyes go wide again. “Are you saying…?”

I grin, testing out the words in my head and feeling that click in my soul. That feeling when you know something is right. “Yeah. I’m saying I love you too.”

Holt tackles me to the couch and suddenly I’m horizontal, laughing hysterically as he tries to kiss every bare inch of skin on a couch not made for someone as large as him. Pretty soon I’m breathless with laughter and also on the verge of crying. Holt lifts his head and stares down at me, wonder in his expression. He leans down to pluck a sweet kiss from my lips and then holds his weight on his elbows.

“We did everything backwards. Engaged, then dating.”

I push back the unruly hair on his forehead. “Don’t forget our first kiss, followed by a decade or so of nothing.”

He twists to kiss the inside of my wrist. “Not nothing. It was years of both of us growing and getting to this point where everything is perfect for us to be together.”

A worry tries to darken my happiness. “What if one day you tire of me? What if I’m too loud? Too weird? What if I get mad and don’t want to be this zen yoga girl?”

Holt pushes off the couch and stands, holding out his hand. “Try me.”

I sit up and put my hand in his. “What?”

He tugs me off the couch. “Get mad. Get loud. Shout, if you want. Rant. Rave. Throw shit.”

My jaw drops. “I…I can’t…”

“Yes, you can.” His hands come up to cup my face, squishing my cheeks together. “I don’t love you conditionally, Maple. You’re going to have good days and bad. You’re going to grow and change and try new things and so will I. We’re going to grow together, letting each other have the space to do what they need to do.”

---