Page 45 of Natalie's Nighthawk

“What are you thinking about?” Natalie asked as they entered the dining hall.

“Just thinking about how incredibly proud I am of you.” He put an arm across her shoulders and hugged her to his side. She flushed a brilliant shade of pink, of course, she always did when he complimented her. He’d have to make sure to do that more often.

“Thanks for today,” she said. “I learned so much. And had fun doing it. I’m the one who should be proud. What the two of you have accomplished is nothing short of amazing. I see great things for the future of Nighthawk.” Graham couldn’t resist. He spun her to face him and gave her a long kiss. He could hear the guys hooting and hollering behind him, which made Natalie turn that lovely shade of pink again.

Chef Layla had made another one of her special meals for Natalie. The guys all complained, having requested Layla’s unique dinners more than once, but she reserved them for special occasions. She promised her “Boys,” that the next time they brought an important girl to dinner, she’d make something special for them too.

Dinner with the Boys had been a lot of fun. There was an easy closeness among them, and Natalie was happy Graham had such a solid group of friends, and that they had included her in their little family so readily. After spending the first eighteen years of her life with virtually no family, it was nice to be accepted without having to change who she was to fit in.

After dinner, Graham took her to his riverside cabin. He and David each had built cabins on the property, having grown tired of dorm life. But as they were passing the parking lot, they both noticed that Natalie’s car had a flat tire. Graham promised to have it fixed before Natalie had to head back to Lake Haven the next day and called Tin Man to request that he see to it.

After arriving at the cabin, Natalie stood stunned. She wouldn’t call Graham’s place a cabin, far from it. It was large and luxurious, at least as far as cabins go. He gave her the grand tour leading her through the kitchen with its granite counters and modern appliances to the living room with a cathedral ceiling transected with large wood beams and a large woodburning fireplace surrounded by stone. A flat screen tv was in place above the mantel. The home boasted three bedrooms, one of which he’d turned into a home gym.

It was his bedroom that fascinated her the most. It was woodsy, just like him. He’d managed to bring the outdoors in without being too ostentatious. The wall at the head of the bed was made from reclaimed wood, floor to ceiling. The large window at the foot of the bed overlooked the river. The bathroom was bigger than her bedroom, with double sinks and a shower large enough to fit ten people with a wall full of spray nozzles. Natalie was looking forward to experiencing that.

Back in the bedroom, Natalie took a closer look at the picture frames decorating the top of a long dresser. There were pictures of his family and teammates, of course, but there was one frame that caught her eye and she picked it up for a closer look. Another of her chickadee sketches from the infamous book. It was interesting that he’d framed that particular piece and kept it in such an intimate place.

Graham came up behind her. “I know what you’re thinking,” he said when he saw what she held in her hands. “But technically, I didn’t steal it.”

She smiled at his attempt at a joke, but she had to know. “Why?” was all she could choke out as emotion overcame her.

“It reminded me of you. My little chickadee,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. “It’s always been with me, just like you’ve always been with me.”

“I always thought …” she started but broke off when the emotions swamped her. She felt the burn as tears threatened. Graham took the frame from her hands and placed it back on the dresser, then took her hand and led her to the seat at the foot of the bed. When they both sat, he threaded his fingers through hers, waiting for her to finish her thoughts.

“I always thought it was me,” she confessed. “That I’d done something wrong … or I wasn’t worth it … or good enough.”

“I don’t understand. Good enough for what?”

“For you,” she murmured. “You left and never came back. Never called, texted, messaged, or emailed. Nothing. Not a word. I thought it was your way of saying you weren’t interested in continuing our friendship.” She remembered those weeks and months after the tornado, filled with confusion and sadness. The worry she felt constantly threatened to drown her. Worry for her sister. Worry for her community. But most of all, the worry that her mother was correct; she truly wasn’t good enough or worth anyone’s time.

Left alone most of the time, her insecure thoughts took control. As the months passed with no word from him, Natalie convinced herself she just wasn’t worth it and never would be. Her mother was correct; she was unlovable.

She mourned then. Mourned for the sister who would never be the same again. Mourned the actions of her unfeeling parents. And most especially, mourned the loss of what could have been. For one afternoon, she’d been happy. She had liked who she was with him. Had been confident to be herself with him. She’d shared more with him than even her family knew about her. And for one brief afternoon, she’d thought he’d been truly interested. Throughout those lonely months, she realized how stupid she had been. How could anybody be interested in her when her own parents weren’t?

Natalie sniffed back her tears. “I figured it was me. If my parents didn’t like who I was, how could anybody.” It had taken her a long time to get over her self-pity and longer still to trust her heart to anyone. In a way, she had Maddie to thank. After their parents left, she and Maddie had become truly close. Natalie opened herself up to Maddie and vice versa. And when her sister didn’t reject her, she was finally able to let go of the old hurts.

“Oh, Chickadee.” Graham placed a finger under her chin to lift it up ‘till she looked him in the eyes. “Nothing could have been further from the truth.”

“I know that now but didn’t at the time.” she sighed.

“I’m so sorry, Chickadee. I didn’t realize how you would have interpreted it. If I could go back …” he broke off, they both knew how useless it was to dwell on past mistakes. He drew her into his arms to sit across his lap. “That little chickadee drawing has gone with me everywhere. I’ve always kept it close. Kept you close. Even in my isolation after the tsunami, that little bird was a light for me in a very dark time.”

Natalie placed a hand on his cheek and gave him a slightly watery smile. “I’m glad my drawing could do that for you.” He kissed her then. Kissed away all the past mistakes. Kissed her until past regrets were forgotten, replaced with forgiveness and love.

Chapter 16

Thanksgivingwasuponthem.TheGhannons had opted to stay in a bed and breakfast in nearby South Haven instead of with their daughters. Natalie didn’t care, but she could tell Maddie was a little hurt.

Natalie’s head was swimming with everything that had happened the last few weeks and the added stress of her parents was not helping her anxiety. After Natalie’s first night at Graham’s cabin, Tin Man had informed them that it appeared Natalie’s tire had been slashed. Graham had been furious. He was kicking himself for not having security cameras installed in the parking lot leaving them no way to discover who had done it.

The following week, Natalie’s driver’s side window had been smashed. Several other cars on the street also had damaged windows so authorities assumed it was unrelated to the arson incident, but Graham remained unconvinced. And after yesterday, Natalie would have to agree with him.

After an exhausting day at school, Natalie had been looking forward to the next four days off even though her parents would probably make those days hell, but she would still be able to spend them with Graham, so … bright side. She had been driving to school since her near hit and run, instead of walking, worried that it could happen again. Reaching her car in the school parking lot, a piece of paper fluttered in the breeze trapped under her windshield wiper. Thinking it was an advertisement, Natalie glanced at the other cars, not seeing any under anyone else’s wipers. Smiling, imagining that perhaps it was a note from Graham, Natalie pulled it out and unfolded it. The large, typed letters didn’t register at first, but when they did, her hands trembled.

You’renotgood enough. Nobodywillever want you.

Aworthlesswasteof space.

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