Page 55 of Natalie's Nighthawk

“But I’ve never been ashamed of you. Until tonight.” With those words, he walked out the door, leaving Graham alone with his misery, shame, and remorse.

On the floor at his feet lay a blood-soaked paper towel. He bent to pick it up but lost his balance and ended up on his ass. He leaned against the door, his arms resting on his raised knees, the bloody rag hanging from his fingers. Banging his head against the door behind him repeatedly, he released the hot tears allowing them to flow freely.

Chapter 19

Natalielockedherselfinherstudio, intending to lose herself in the painting that was giving her such a hard time. She still couldn’t figure out what was bothering her about it. What was missing from it? Now she had all the time in the world—alone?to figure it out.

She’d been working on it since arriving home the night before, feeling numb and empty. She’d managed to change out of her wet clothes into an oversized hoodie and leggings. She was as warm as she could physically be, but still felt frozen inside.

Dark thoughts and insecurities inundated her. She still wasn’t entirely sure what had happened last night. When she’d seen how much Graham was hurting, she thought for sure she could help him. They’d seen each other through the retelling of their darkest moments. How could this be any different?

The anger made it different. Graham had exhibited so much rage it scared her. Deep down, she knew he would never hurt her. But when his hand had shot out towards her, the memories of Erik’s assault filled her. She couldn’t help the flinch and couldn’t stop the fear that engulfed her. She did what she needed to do to shield herself. She ran.

David had called her a few hours ago. He’d tried to explain his brother’s behavior. If he’d only talked to her, if he’d explained the situation to her, she would have listened. She would have comforted him, given him the light to pierce the darkness, then told him he was an idiot, and it wasn’t his fault.

She understood the need to lash out at someone in anger when feeling your lowest. She’d been there. Had spoken harshly to Maddie too many times to count and had been immediately contrite. She’d apologize; they’d hug and talk it out, then move on.

She didn’t know if she could move on from the hurt Graham had caused. The words had been ugly. Words she’d never heard him use. The viciousness shocked her. Her gentle blue-eyed hesitant hero morphed into a cruel tyrant spewing malice.

She wanted to blame the alcohol, but those feelings had to have come from somewhere. Some deep-seated unresolved issues. The darkness he’d warned was still there had erupted. The volcanic ash of rage smothering everything. Suffocating anyone within range. And unfortunately, Natalie had been an available target.

She wanted her kindhearted Graham back. The man who called her chickadee with such sweet reverence. Who held her all night as she grieved for the loss of a mother she never actually had. She wanted to be in his warm embrace again as they purged the darkness that threatened to annihilate them.

And now she didn’t know when she would get the opportunity to hug and talk it out. David had informed her the Nighthawks had been called out to help with water rescues due to the flooding in Wisconsin. But still, she couldn’t bring herself to answer the dozens of calls he’d made throughout the night. The type of conversation she needed to have with Graham couldn’t be done over the phone.

He’d called several times, but she hadn’t been ready to talk to him. As if on cue, her phone rang. She pulled it from the charger and checked the display. It was him again. She still couldn’t bring herself to answer it. So instead, she rejected the call and slipped it into her back pocket.

Natalie played around with colors and shapes on her painting as the hours passed. Nothing was working. Exhaustion and frustration overwhelmed her. She was seriously considering trashing the canvas and starting over when the doorbell rang. Natalie quickly wiped her hands on her apron as she took it off and hung it on its hook. She was running down the stairs when the bell rang again.

“I’m coming,” she muttered. She reached the door before the visitor could ring it again. “Lauren!” She opened the door, surprised to find Graham’s friend standing on her porch.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” Natalie stood back to let her inside. “I thought you’d be with the team.”

“They didn’t need me for this one. I thought maybe you and I could spend some time together. Get to know each other better.” Lauren stood just inside her door. Her blonde hair covered, in a stocking cap. The puffy gray coat she wore swathed her slight frame. It was so long it fell to just below her jean-clad knees.

Natalie felt hope fill her, temporarily trouncing the pain and grief. She’d been trying so hard to get this woman to warm up to her, knowing it was important to Graham. “I’d like that. Do you want something to drink? Coffee, tea?” Lauren fretfully shook her head. With her hands shoved deep in her coat pockets, her eyes darted all around, never landing on anything for too long. Natalie wondered if there was something wrong with her.

“Actually,” she answered, distress underlying the tone in her voice. “It’s such a nice day I thought we could go for a walk together.” The rain had finally stopped, and the clouds parted, allowing the sun to make an appearance.

“Um … Sure. Let me get my coat.” Natalie opened the closet and chose her slightly lighter parka. It was still chilly out even though the sun was shining. “Lead on,” she offered as she held the front door open for Lauren.

Together, they walked down the porch steps and turned in the direction of the school, away from the lake and the biting winds. They spent several minutes quietly walking. Natalie racked her brain to think of something to talk about to no avail. If Lauren wanted to become better acquainted, she was going about it the wrong way, staying so silent.

When they approached the path that led into the woods where Colin and Lucy got lost, Lauren walked in that direction with a confidence that said she had a destination in mind. Natalie shrugged. It’d be colder in the woods with the canopy of trees blocking out the sun, but if that’s where Lauren wanted to walk, she wouldn’t argue.

“I’m glad some of the trees still have their leaves,” Natalie remarked. “It makes it look so beautiful in here.”

Lauren responded with a twitchy nod. For some reason, she looked nervous, periodically glancing behind her. Her shoulders were hunched, nearly touching her ears, hands still ensconced deep into her pockets. Leading her deeper into the woods, Lauren’s behavior grew more and more erratic, making Natalie nervous. Why wasn’t she saying anything?

When Natalie saw her glance behind them for what seemed like the hundredth time, she finally said, “Is something wrong?”

“Yes, Natalie. Something is very wrong.” A hand finally came out of her pocket. Natalie stared in shock at the gun she held, gripped in her palm. A gun that was pointed directly at her. “Youare what’s wrong.”

Natalie’s breath caught in her throat. That familiar fear that she’d unfortunately experienced before surrounded her. “Lauren! What is this? What are you doing?” Natalie spoke quickly, stumbling back a few paces and raising her hands up in front of her. “I … I don’t understand.”

“That’s right,” Lauren hissed, her eyes narrowing with hatred. Her nervous twitches were gone. A stone-cold conviction dominated. “You don’t understand. Things were going so well before you came along. Stay right there,” she ordered as Natalie attempted to slowly back away. Her hand trembled faintly as she trained the gun higher at Natalie, her confidence wavering a fraction.

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