Page 12 of Annika's Aurora

“I’ve lived here by the lake long enough now to know the signs.”

“You live here? In Lake Haven? Wait … did Mom give you this house?” How close had he and Johanna become since they’d started their little secret relationship?

He chuckled. “No, of course not. I live just outside of Lake Haven. Have for about three years now. In the Nighthawk barracks.”

“What is Nighthawk … wait. Are you telling me you’re part of that group? The ones that do all those rescues? Are you one of the guys who rescued Marcus Rayne?” If he was a Nighthawk … well, that was just amazing. Those guys were heroes. Most of Michigan and the surrounding states knew of the Nighthawks. Annika certainly did. She’d even watched the interview the owner did for 20/20 a while back. Now there was an interesting story. She’d heard rumors that Marcus Rayne wanted to make a movie about the Nighthawks. She and Johanna had often said they’d be first in line for tickets to see that movie. And now to find out he’d been one of them all this time. Would Logan be in the movie too?

He was laughing. “Yes, I’m a Nighthawk. And, yes, I helped on the Marcus Rayne thing. But don’t let my boss hear you gushing over it. He hates the notoriety.”

“Oh my God! I can hardly believe this.” And she couldn’t believe it. What happened to his dream? He’d always wanted to be a SEAL. Why did that change? “But what about the SEALs? Did you make the teams?”

“I did. I was on the teams for twelve years.”

“You did it then,” she said, happy and sad at the same time. She was happy he’d achieved his dream but sad she hadn’t been there to celebrate his accomplishment. She felt the tears threaten again and squeezed her eyes shut against them.

Logan reached across the table and placed his hand over hers, his heat enveloping her hand. “Hey,” he coaxed. “Why so sad all of a sudden?” She looked at him and saw the worry in his eyes and felt a sudden and quick spark of anger. Why, after all this time, should he be worried about her?

She pulled her hand out from under his. “It’s nothing. I still get overly tired sometimes.”

“Are you okay?”

She stood and took her plates to the sink. “God, Logan! I can’t do this,” she hissed. “I can’t pretend everything is okay.”

“I know,” he said, walking his own plates into the kitchen. “But I’m trying here. Tell me how to fix this.”

She shook her head sadly. “I don’t know if it can be fixed.”

He stepped toward her, and she backed away. “You left me, Logan. You disappeared. I had to bury my brother, and my best friend had cut me out of his life. Can you understand how that feels? I lost both of you. I had to mourn you both!”

“Annika, I’m sorry,” he said, holding out a hand to her.

“You’re sorry,” she scoffed. “Like that makes up for all the tears. I couldn’t live … couldn’t go on …” she paced, unconsciously rubbing her left wrist. “I couldn’t go on the way things were. You don’t know what it was like for me.”

“Then tell me,” he begged.

“I could understand you not being able to come to the funeral. You’d just started boot camp. The Navy wouldn’t let you off. Jamie wasn’t a blood relative. Whatever. But you cut me off completely. Wouldn’t answer my calls, my texts, or my emails. Hell, I even tried snail mail. Nothing. You left the hospital that night without a backward glance. No goodbye. Nothing! You were just gone.”

She was crying now. Great gulping sobs escaping uncontrollably. Taking a deep breath to get her emotions under control, she swiped angrily at her tears. “Did I really mean so little to you?”

He tried once more to reach for her, and she backed away again. If he touched her now, she’d break. “Fuck, Annika, no! It wasn’t like that. I loved you. I loved Jamie. All of you. I just … didn’t handle his death well.”

She made a sound of scorn in her throat. “Youdidn’t handle his death well,” she mocked, rubbing her wrist again. “Imagine how it was forme! It was like you both died. Only your death was much slower. Much more painful. Each time I tried to contact you, it was with a little bit of hope that you would finally answer. ForyearsI tried! The disappointment after each time was too much. It was like mourning your death again every time. I couldn’t deal … I had to stop for my own sake. The grief was … monumental, all-consuming.”

She caught herself rubbing her wrist and forced herself to stop as she pulled her sleeve down to cover it; he didn’t get to know everything. She wouldn’t let him know how broken she’d been. How far she went to ease the pain.

“I know. It was like that for me too. I grieved alone for Jamie. For you,” he admitted.

“The difference is that you chose to grieve alone. I did not. You chose to cut me out of your life. We could have helped each other through our grief. I needed you. You promised you would always be there for me. Remember? That day at the lake, you promised! You promised you’d never leave me. You broke that promise.” Annika wished she could control her tears. Her emotions. Everything she had felt for the last fifteen years was spewing out of her.

“One of the worst parts was never knowing if you were alive or dead. You went to war. If you had died there, we would have never known. Even though you cut me out of your life, I never stopped loving you. Never stopped worrying for you. Every day of my life!”

“Annika,” his voice cracked with emotion. She let him reach for her then. He placed a hand on her upper arm and stepped closer. Then she was in his arms. Oh God, it felt like home. He was so strong it felt like he could chase all her demons away. All her fears. All her anger. All her worries. It could all just evaporate in his arms. “I’m so sorry, Annika,” he crooned. “If I could change my actions, I would. Can you … will you ever be able to forgive me?”

Annika forced herself to push him away. She turned her back on him, whispering sadly, “I don’t know if I ever can.”

“Annika,” he murmured. The anguish she heard in his voice was nearly her undoing. She had to get away from him. She needed time. It was all so overwhelming.

“I’m tired,” she said before he could say anything else. “I think I’ll go lay down.”

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