Page 158 of A Queen This Fierce and Deadly

The feelings were still there, but muted somehow. I could think around them.

Allowing the feelings to swamp me if they wished— because I could handle them—I reached for my power.

And it leaped at me like a puppy who’d been left alone for days.

I snatched it to me, but I didn’t need to. My power was strong and deep…so deep, it was as if it had just been waiting for me to acknowledge it once more.

Clutching the hourglass hanging around my neck, I took another deep breath, opening my eyes.

I’d never agreed to play by the gods’ rules. I didn’t care that they said what I had done with my power was forbidden.

All that mattered was what I could do with my own power. Whatever possibilities that power gave me were mine to exploit.

I was done feeling guilty for using what I’d been born to wield. If there was the slightest chance I could use it in the same way to save someone I loved—and not die—I would do it again.

Nausea roiled through me. I needed to talk to Lorian. I would have to tell him what I’d done. How much I’d almost cost us. For a long moment, I wrestled with the shame of it. I caught movement out of the corner of my eye.

“You can come,” I croaked out.

Lorian was instantly in front of me.

“What is it?”

“I have my power back.”

He nodded.

“You don’t seem surprised. You knew it was there, didn’t you?” For a moment, betrayal choked me. But it made sense. Galon and Marth must have known too. According to my cousin, the only reason I hadn’t known the gods’ limitations was because I’d grown up with humans.

“Your burnout was very real. But as it continued to go on, I knew the gods were playing some kind of trickery.”

I took a very careful step back. Lorian looked as if I’d hit him.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me this?”

“What do you think would have happened if I’d told you that you could access your power? That the gods were likely hiding it from you? I saw you with a headache every single day as you attempted to use it.”

“I would have become consumed by it,” I admitted. “I would have allowed myself to marinate in my own disgust. I would have second-guessed every single decision.”

Lorian cupped my cheek. “Some part of me wondered if the gods truly had taken your power, wildcat. They’retoo interested in you. And if that had been the case, you needed to learn that you were just as deserving of your crown without it.” He stared down at me, studying my face. A faint frown tightened his brow. “Even now, after all we’ve been through, some part of you thought I’d turn on you when you told me.”

Denial rushed through me, and I clutched at his shirt. “No. I didn’t think you would turn on me. But I was nervous. I would never want to disappoint you.”

“I thought I’d made myself clear, wildcat. There is nothing you could do. Nothing you could tell me, no shame too great for you to share with me.”

Winding my arms around his neck, I tugged at him. Lorian didn’t hesitate, his lips caressing mine as his arms tightened around me.

“We need to get back,” I murmured against his mouth.

Reluctantly, he led me back to my horse. Galon passed down the message that we were about to begin marching once more.

Just as the first drops of rain hit my face.

27

Madinia

Rythos continued to attempt to make conversation. I ignored him, counting the time based on the meals we were given. Eventually, though, I began to lose track. All I knew was that we’d been here too long. Long enough that Prisca and the others could be on the front lines bleeding and dying, while we were trapped here slowly going insane.

---