Page 77 of A Queen This Fierce and Deadly

He was more than concerned. I could still see the restrained panic in his eyes. But the fact that he was allowing me to see it meant more than I could have explained.

“What’s happening, Lorian?”

“I…” He set his jaw. “I think I’m seeing the dead.”

I stared at him. Of all the things I’d thought he might say, that was nowhere on the list.

“It started with voices,” he said. “Strange words hissing in my ear. They turned to threats. And then I was seeing soldiers charging at me. Humans, mostly. They were so vivid…they’restillso realistic, it’s difficult to determine what is real and what isn’t. And then I realized that many of those soldiers were covered in blood, the walking wounded. And some of them shouldn’t have been able to walk at all, let alone handle a sword. I think…I think they’re some of the people I’ve killed.”

His expression changed into something I almost didn’t recognize. “Do you ever think about it, wildcat?Just how many people I’ve killed? The lives ended? The families missing loved ones?”

I buried my hands in his shirt, as if I could keep him here with me. As if the action could prevent him from lingering on the past.

“No,” I said. “Not anymore. You’ve saved a lot of lives too.”

Lorian just shook his head. “Thousands, Prisca. And already, the ones I’ve seen have begun to talk to me.”

A hot ache burned through my chest, working its way up to lodge in my throat. “What do they say?”

“Threats, mostly. The voices seem to happen more often, almost like the sound of leaves rustling in the trees—a constant noise in the background of my life. But the visions come suddenly. So suddenly, that I’m not sure what’s real and what isn’t.”

“We’ll fix this,” I said. “We’ll find a way to make it stop.”

He gave me a faint smile. “I heard Cavis. He was the one who warned us of the soldier attacking Rythos.”

I broke his hold on me and reached up to twine my arms around his neck, searching for a reply.

“I’m not losing my mind,” he said.

“I don’t think you are.”

He lifted his head, green eyes searching mine. Some of the tension disappeared from his face. “I appreciate your faith in me. Truthfully, it feels as if my sanity is trickling away, drop by drop.”

I didn’t want him to give me that look, so filled with love and trust. Because my grandmother’s voice was playing through my mind.

“In the unlikely event that you don’t join us in the afterlife, there will be consequences. Grave consequences. You think you know what it is to suffer. You will live with the repercussions of this choice for the rest of your life.”

I stared up at the man I loved more than anything or anyone. And my throat was suddenly so thick, I couldn’t breathe.

“Wildcat, I promise I’ll get better. I’ll stop reacting like this. I’ll learn what is real and what isn’t.” Lorian’s voice was a low growl, tinged with desperation. He cupped my face, and I realized the color had likely drained from it.

“It’s…it’s not that. I think this might be some of the consequences from the way I…”

“Brought me back.”

I nodded, my eyes stinging. “Youdied, Lorian. You might not remember it…” He stared at me, and I realized he did remember some of it.

“This… The gods know I would find it worse foryouto suffer. To watch you deal with the repercussions of my choice.” I dropped my gaze. I couldn’t even look at him.

Lorian’s hand slid to my chin, holding tight until my eyes met his once more. “I would take any consequences to be here with you. Any repercussions. Any punishment.Anything.You think I wouldn’t make the same choice a million times, even knowing the outcome? I would let my brother shatter me with his magic every day for the rest of my life as long as I got to see you in those moments before my death.”

Taking my hand, he pressed a kiss to my knuckles. “Now, let’s go.”

Approaching the city gates was a completely different experience compared to the last few times we’d traveled here. This time, the guards were clearly expecting us, and they bowed low, instantly allowing us to pass.

Which was a good thing since I still couldn’t access my power.

I strained, searching for it constantly. But at this point, I had to accept that it likely wasn’t coming back. I had angered the gods and depleted not just my own power, but a piece of my mother’s and grandmother’s souls.

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