Page 91 of A Queen This Fierce and Deadly

Fury bit at me with sharp teeth. “Eavesdropping now, Asinia? Do you think the gods would allow Prisca to escape their wrath after she stole Lorian’s life back from them?”

The blood drained from Asinia’s face. She knew as well as I did that none of us could use the weapon.

With a curse, she kicked the chair in front of her and turned, stalking toward the door.

I raised my eyebrow. I hadn’t seen much of her temper. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one feeling the pressure.

“Speaking of that new life, I want to talk about what happens after this war,” I said when Asinia had slammed the door behind her.

Daharak angled her head. “You really think we’ll survive?”

“Only idiots march into battle believing they will die.”

She laughed. “Wise words for someone who has never battled.”

I shrugged. While traveling through Eprotha, I’d come to a sudden, unwelcome realization.

I was penniless.

While I’d sold Kaliera’s jewels in the fae lands— something I hadn’t gotten nearly enough credit for—those funds had been gradually eaten away by the many costs of outfitting our armies. Lorian had contributed, as had his friends, and I was relatively sure even Conreth had dug into his own coffers at this point.

But the fact remained—wars were expensive. Armies needed weapons and food and tents. By the time this war ended, there would be little coin left.

I wanted a new life on a new continent. But I was most assuredlynotsuited for poverty.

“Now that’s a calculated expression,” Daharak mused. “You’ll need to work on that.”

I scowled. Not long ago, hiding my true feelings behind an expressionless mask had been second nature for me. Clearly, spending this long away from court hadn’t done me any favors.

“It’s not enough to set foot on a new continent if this godsforsaken war ever ends,” I said.

Daharak watched me, her dark eyes cool. “What is it you want?”

“I want to earn some kind of living. By the time I step off your ship, I need to have enough coin to start a new life.”

“Strangely, I can’t exactly picture you scrubbing my decks. You’d likely become irritated and set the entire ship alight.”

My nose wrinkled before I could control it. Daharak grinned at me. “Don’t fret. I have a need for someone of your talents. By the time you’re ready to start your new life, you’ll have a purse full of coin.”

This time, I let my lips curve. But Daharak’s grin disappeared. “Heed my words, Madinia Farrow, for I have a tiny drop of my mother’s sight. If you refuse to open your heart to those who would lay down their lives for you, you will not arrive on the eastern continent with just a purse full of coin. You will also carry with you a heart full of regret. And that heart will be much, much heavier than any coin you can imagine.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She gave me a sharp smile. “You think feelings are a weakness. And sometimes, they are. Sometimes, those feelings eat at everything you thought you were. But a life refusing to feel, to love? That is worse than a weakness. That is a travesty. To refuse to feel the full range of emotions, to deny yourself joy in an effort to protect yourself from the loss? I may not know much—may have no true glimpse of the future the way my mother does—but I know without a doubt that one day, the tiny moments of joy you keep turning your back on? They’re the moments that will keep you alive.”

14

Prisca

Conreth arrived the night before our wedding. And he brought Jamic with him. Clearly, Jamic’s training had gone well. He’d regained some color in his face. He’d lost the haunted look in his eyes, and he no longer flinched at odd moments.

He’d also asked to see his mother. Lorian didn’t like it. Truthfully, neither did I. Kaliera was dangerous. But when Jamic had gravely requested to spend some time with her, I hadn’t had the heart to say no.

Lorian hadn’t been sure Conreth would be able to make it to these meetings, but the fae king could achieve almost anything when properly motivated.

And he wasn’t the type to allow everyone else to make war plans without his input— even with his generals and advisers speaking in his place.

Of the five wardens who ruled their individual territories within the fae lands— with Conreth as monarch—Thorn and Romydan had agreed to join us. Both had also fought with us to bring down the barrier.

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