Page 24 of This Vicious Dream

A trick I’ll make sure she regrets.

Madinia

My head swims with fatigue, but I force myself to keep moving north, drawn toward the dark pull. At first, I thought about disappearing, ensuring no one can use me to find it. But the pull is overwhelming, and if I reach it first, I can hide it.

The cloak I stole from Calysian keeps the worst of the chill at bay, but it’s still cold, and, my poor mare’s steps are getting slower and slower as she plods along.

More of my memories have come to me as I’ve ridden through the night—mostly of my time traveling with the pirates, along with my decision to board Daharak’s ship in the first place.

“What is it you want when all this is done?” she asks.

I shrug. The pirate queen can’t be trusted. Still, she interests me. Herlifeinterests me. She could go anywhere. See anything. I stare out at the water, wondering what that must be like. “Why would you care?”

“I see a lot of myself in you.”

I turn, giving her a look of disdain. She laughs.

“I want to be left alone,” I say. “When this is done, I want to go somewhere no one knows my name. I want to start a new life. Alone.”

“You don’t really want that.” She shakes her head. “But by the time you learn that, you’ll be half an ocean away.” She taps her temple. “I like to believe I have a hint of my mother’s sight.”

I grind my teeth at her patronizing tone, and her eyes light with humor. “I believe I’ll help you with your plans anyway. If we bring down this barrier, find me after the war, and I’ll take you with me.”

My entire body tenses. I can practically taste freedom. “Why would you do that?”

“For the same reason I do everything, of course. My own amusement.”

Bitterness wars with dark irony and I let out a humorless laugh. I got what I wanted. I’m entirely alone. The only people who know my name either want to capture me or wish to use me for their own purposes.

I wish I could turn back time. Could go back and shake the woman who so badly wanted to leave everything behind.

Along with the memories of my life, I remember more about this kingdom too. Hours of poring over maps on that ship have given me a basic understanding of my route, and my first stop will be the city of Kolegrift—the closest city on my path north. There, I can stable my mare, eat, and rest.

Hopefully, Calysian is still chained to that tree.

I chew on my lip, a hint of guilt stabbing through me. I probably should have chosen a tree further from the road. Leaving him unconscious and chained, his weapons and clothes displaying signs of subtle wealth…

I practically left a sign next to him statingUnconscious victim. Bandits and thieves, do your worst.

I let out a sigh, directing my horse toward the river so she can drink. I left the horse feed with Calysian, which means I’ll need to buy more.

“I think you don’twantto remember. You’re blocking it yourself, because remembering will be painful. You’ll find yourself wondering how you ended up here alone, and where those so-called friends are.”

Is that what I’m doing?

I can’t afford to let fear drive my decisions. Without my memories, I’m weak, uncertain. If I don’t remember, I’m dead.

I did this to myself. As a protective measure. To prevent Kyldare from getting his hands on…something.

And if I did it to myself, surely I canundoit.

Dismounting, I let my horse drink deeply, then tie her lead rope to a tree branch, leaving her grazing. I feel stupid, but I sit on an overturned log and close my eyes. I have to try.

Remember.

Curly blonde hair. Calysian said her name was Prisca.

My head immediately aches, but I push through it. I’m not afraid. Irefuseto be afraid of my own memories.

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