Page 70 of This Vicious Dream

And each time I choose a stone I think she’ll like, I’m reaffirming the fact that she’s not dead. One day, I’ll give them to her.

“Were you lovers?” Calysian’s voice is low.

“No. It wasn’t like that with us. It was…she was a friend. And I don’t have any friends.”

“You did. Once.”

He’s talking about Prisca and Asinia.

Asinia grinning at me, a ridiculous crown on her head. A crown made of flowers. Despite myself, I feel my lips curve, and her grin widens.

Prisca watching me with those strange eyes. “Stay.” Her voice is tight. “Stay with us, Madinia. We need you.”

Theyhadneeded me, and I’d left anyway. Was that why they had never come for me? Why they’d left me to the consequences of my actions?

“You said when I regained my memories, I’d find myself wondering how I ended up here alone, and where my so-called friends are.”

Calysian winces. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Shoving the rocks back into my cloak pocket, I get to my feet. “We should find somewhere to camp.”

“Madinia.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. I don’t want to talk about this. Can’t he see that?

“Look at me.”

I meet his eyes. His expression is gentle. There’s no sign of the arrogant coolness I associate with the other part of him. With Calpharos.

“You fought a war together. You saved each other’s lives. Friendship like that doesn’t just fade away. You’ll see them again. And Daharak…we’ll search for news of her people. After I get the grimoire, I’ll go with you to Nyrridor.”

The city closest to where I hid the grimoire. It’s the third largest city in Telanthris, and we’ll need to stop to buy supplies. It was also the second place Daharak docked so long ago—just days after we restocked in the small town of Elunthar.

My heart aches as memories slam into me, one after the other.

Daharak’s satisfied smile, the pirates jostling, ready to disembark and enjoy everything the city had to offer. It was before I knew Kyldare was hunting me, and I slipped off the ship, returning without the grimoire. I’d been so certain I had done my part, and that time in my life was over.

“Madinia.” Calysian’s voice is firm and I meet his eyes once more. They’re serious. Intent. “We will learn what happened to them. I promise.”

I nod, glancing away. I’ll take the offer for the kindness that it is. But the chances that Calpharos will want to help me with anything are…low.

And yet…if Calysian is making promises to me, he’s the one in charge, and not the dark god. Calpharos wouldn’t bother explaining himself or promising anything. He would coldly inform me of our plans.

They’re the same man, you fool. And you’re about to ensure this part of him disappears forever.

My breath hitches, and I focus on Daharak and the others. Logically, I know a few days won’t make any difference in my search. Not after three years. And still, my bones ache todosomething.

Calysian continues to scan our surroundings, looking for the best place to camp, and I follow his instincts, so tired I’m almost stumbling. When he lets out a pleased hum, I have to force myself to lift my head.

“What is it?” The track has widened just enough for the horses to fit side-by-side, and I follow his gaze.

The plants are brighter here, the green even more vivid against the drab browns and yellows of the surrounding swamp. Broad leaves spread out like fans, water pooling around the roots.

Calysian kneels to inspect the ground. He runs his fingers over the mud, before surveying a series of tracks.

Relief sweeps through me in a rush that leaves me lightheaded. This kind of vegetation, plus animal tracks…

Fresh water. Somewhere close.

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