Page 69 of No One Was Supposed to Die at This Wedding

51I definitely did this.

52It’s true, by the way. Men are happier married; women are not. Married men live longer; married women do not. You do the math.

53Yes! The definition of ironic is something “happening in the opposite way to what is expected, and typically causing wry amusement because of this.” Phew.

SANTA MONICA GOSSIP

@SMGossip

#BREAKING:Sources tell me Fred Winters has potentially done a runner from his wedding to Emma Wood, which is taking place this weekend on Catalina Island. Attendees are rumored to include the cast of “When in Rome,” an assortment of stars, and musical guest Bob Dylan. Maybe it was the choice of music?

6:55 PM · October 23 · X for iPhone

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CHAPTER 12

Can We Have a Wedding If We Can’t Find the Groom?

“When was the last time you saw Fred?” I ask Emma after I’ve pulled her aside into a small room that has a distinctGreat Gatsbyvibe.

We’re alone, and I can hear the din of the party in the background—music, talking, laughter, the clink of glasses. The rehearsal is scheduled to start shortly, and people are going to notice if the groom and bride don’t appear.

And by “notice,” I mean start posting on social media about it on the cell phones they were supposed to leave in their rooms.

“Two hours ago,” Emma says. Her hair is in a bridal updo with a small tiara of what I assume are real diamonds. On someone else, it would look overdone and fussy. But on Emma, it serves as an added touch of elegance.

“Where?”

“In our room. He was, um, consoling me after this morning.”

I smile at her. She’s never been that comfortable talking about sex, which is kind of adorable given that she sometimes gets naked on camera. “Then what?”

“I had to finish getting ready for the party, and then do a photo shoot before with the photographer fromPeople.”

“Where was the photo shoot?”

“On Descanso Beach.”

“What about Fred?”

“He’s only going to be in the photos at the dress rehearsal. He offered to come, but I told him it would be boring for him. He said he was going to find Tyler to try to clear things up.”

“That’s great of him.”

“Yes, but now I’m worried. Because Tyler’s here and Fred isn’t.”

“You think Tyler did something to Fred?”

Her hands twist together. Her engagement ring twinkles under the muted lighting. It’s a bit ostentatious, and for the first time, I wonder who paid for it.

“I feel like I’m going crazy. All this stuff with the cat and the hot tub and the schedule...Normally, I’d think it was Fred being Fred, that he was late like he always is, but it feels different. Do you get it?”

“Instinct can be powerful. You should listen to it.”

Tears pool in her eyes. “So something’s happened to Fred?”

“I’m not saying that. But I’m sure he’s not simply blowing you off.”

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