Page 23 of You're Ours

“He went home. I think he might have tried to catch up to me, but I took the car and went for a drive to clear my head. He texted us that he went home to do some thinking.”

Sky tipped his head back to look at the ceiling as, somehow, tears began to form yet again. Apparently, they’d found a trigger point for him.

“Sky,” Jackson breathed, and Sky squeezed his eyes shut, accidentally pushing more tears out. “I’m so sorry, love.“

“It’s…well, it’s not okay, but I do understand. I’ve been having mixed feelings about Tyler—” At Jackson’s horrified gasp, Sky opened his eyes and rushed to clarify. “I mean, my feelings are very clear for him. I love him. I want to be with him, probably forever. But I’ve been getting mixed signals from him, and it’s made me hesitate to share my feelings. I think it’s incredibly brave that you shared yours, but…I guess I’m not entirely surprised it went the way it did.”

Jackson bent forward and rested his forehead on Sky’s shoulder. “I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.”

Sky carded his fingers through Jackson’s disheveled hair. Love was such a strange adventure. Here he was, filled with more love than he’d ever felt for Jackson–and yet also aching frustration with a dash of fear. If things didn’t end up working out with Tyler, Sky would just as much blame himself as he would Jackson. This fight, though, he placed squarely on his two lovers.

Still. He wasn’t one to languish in grief for long.

“It’s okay… It’s all going to be okay,” Sky soothed, scratching his fingers gently over the soft hairs at the base of Jackson’s neck.

He shivered and wrapped his arms around Sky’s back. “I…I don’t know if that’s true.”

Sky shushed him and continued stroking his hair. Sky knew it was true because he was going to do what he should have done a long time ago: take matters into his own hands.

An idea had been forming in Sky’s head for a while, and something about the way Tyler struggled to articulate his feelings was ringing a lot of familiar bells.

One of the folks Sky and Jackson had dated, Samson, was still one of Sky’s good friends. They mostly kept up with each other on social media, but occasionally they would grab drinks and catch up. Sky messaged him that evening and asked if he would be willing to grab a coffee the following morning.

Samson was gray-ace, and it had been a much-discussed aspect of their relationship. Sky hadn’t known much about asexuality before, but he’d learned a lot through dating Samson. He’d also learned a bit about aromanticism.

Sky waited until Samson had taken a bite of his muffin and had at least two sips of Rainbow Bean’s newest blend of coffee before launching into his first question. He’d jotted down over twenty in his notes app the previous night, and he tried to keep his emotions in check as he dove in. Samson laughed good-naturedly and, after insisting that he didn’t speak for all aro-ace folks, did his best to answer.

“So, this hypothetical person you’re speaking of sounds like they might be aspec. As I know I’ve told you before, asexual people come in all different flavors and have wildly different inclinations. While most asexual folks experience little to no sexual desire, they can still engage in sex and be in sexual relationships if they choose. The same can be said of aromantic folk. Many of them experience love of different flavors and are in relationships–they just might look different from alloromantic relationships, like yours and my relationship looked sexually different from your sexual relationship with Jackson.”

Sky felt the tension he’d been carrying for the past twelve hours dissipate, and he stopped shredding his napkin in his lap. “Is there anything wrong with trying to be in a romantic relationship with someone who’s aromantic?” Samson raised a thick eyebrow at him, and Sky stumbled to answer his own question. “As long as it's consensual…would it be the same as being in a consenting sexual relationship with someone who’s on the ace spectrum?”

Samson gave him a sarcastic slow clap, and Sky threw a straw wrapper at him.

“I know you did a lot of research back when we were dating,” Samson said, pulling Sky’s wrapper off his shoulder and placing it on his empty plate. “I’d recommend you do some reading, maybe watch some vlogs or videos. The aspec experience is vastly different, and I won’t pretend like I know for certain what this person is feeling. I imagine, though, that if you’re going to potentially offer them an accepting hand out of the closet, you’d better come prepared with a deeper understanding than you have now.”

Sky placed the shredded remains of his napkin onto his empty plate, and Samson reached across the table, squeezing his bicep in that reassuring way he used to do.

Sky turned the conversation to Samson’s new partner, and Sky’s heart warmed at the way he absolutely lit up as he described him.

“For what it’s worth, it sounds like this hypothetical person really wants to be with you,” Samson said, as they both stood up to leave. “Mixing allosexual and ace or alloromantic and aro isn’t easy, but I think it’s often worth it. I’m sure you experience that as well, being trans in relationships with cis men. As you probably know, if enough care, compassion, and understanding are given, it can all work out in the end.”

He sent Sky a few articles on aromanticism and recommended a few influencers who spoke about their experiences being aro in an allo-favoring world. Sky watched videos until his eyes crossed and took over four pages of notes before he figured he’d done all he could on his own.

That night, he discussed everything with Jackson. It quickly became apparent that Jackson would need to do his own research, as his questions grew in complexity and far surpassed what Sky had gauged from his own study.

Sky put on Tyler’s hoodie, which he’d left behind in his mad dash to follow Jackson. His smell washed over Sky like calming incense at a spa. He pulled his knees up to his chest and pulled the bottom of the sweatshirt down around his knees until it just barely brushed the tops of his toes. Sky could fit his entire curled up body in Jackson’s sweatshirts. It stretched them out a little, so he only did it to the ones he knew Jackson didn’t care about. He was pretty sure Tyler liked this hoodie. He knew Jackson definitely liked the way he looked in it, and Sky liked the way the well-worn fabric felt against his bare chest when they snuggled. He made sure he wasn’t pulling on any of the seams before he buried his face in the fabric, taking in such a deep breath his middle back popped.

With a sigh, he reached for his phone and clicked Tyler’s contact photo in his favorites.

“Hello?” Tyler answered on the fifth ring, his voice sounding almost as exhausted as Sky felt.

“Hi, baby.”

Tyler let out a soft breath. “Hi, sweetheart. Are you okay? Are you…both okay?”

Sky glanced across the room at where Jackson was engrossed in his research. “We’re fine, Ty. We missed you today. I miss you…a lot,” Sky whispered, emotion clogging his voice.

“Oh, Sky…I’m sorry. I don’t even know how that went so wrong, so fast, but–”

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