“And hopeless,” I add. “I had nothing to look forward to.”
She ducks her chin. “Not even me.”
“It’s not a reflection of you, Steph. It was me.”
“Okay.”
“Like I said, that’s not an excuse, I just wanted to explain to you. And apologize. And I wanted to understand how you felt because I don’t want to—” My windpipe squeezes shut and I cough. “I don’t want to make the same mistakes again. I remember my hockey coach in Ottawa always said ‘you either win or you learn.’ It’s taken a while, but I want to learn from what happened.”
“What happened with your new girlfriend?”
I’ve never really thought of Bianca as my girlfriend. But I like it. I want her to be my girlfriend. “She’s going back to Argentina.”
“Whoa. She’s from Argentina?”
“Well, no, but she was working there. She has a great job. She’s a winemaker.”
“Oh.” Her eyes widen.
I tell her about what happened, like I told Miles and Nolan, and she too slaps her forehead. “Jansen.”
“I know, I know. I’m going to tell her how I feel. I am. But I wanted to learn. And to apologize to you. Maybe it’s closure?”
She drops her head back against the chair. “Well. It takes two people to make a marriage work. Maybe it takes two people to make a marriage fail?”
I don’t want to takeallthe fucking blame. She cheated on me. Bottom line, I couldn’t get past that. But I do recognize that she felt unloved and unwanted. “I wish things could have been different.”
She nods.
“But they weren’t. And here we are. You and Bones are okay?”
Her mouth lifts at the corners at my use of his nickname. His last name is Boness. “Yeah. We’re good. But…thank you. Because I needed to learn some things, too.”
I smile thinly. “Let’s hope we both don’t make the same mistakes.” I set down my cup on a small round table in front of us. “Thanks for making time for me. I appreciate it.”
“Of course. I’m actually glad we talked.”
We both stand and she leads me out to the front of the store. At the door, she says, “Go get your girl.”
Now I grin. “I’m gonna try.”
I have two more things to do before I fly back to San Francisco.
Chapter30
Jansen
I’m in the cave at Caparelli, the place Bianca loves. I hear voices on the stone stairs and I snap to attention
Bianca appears and stops as she sees the candlelight. “What is going on?” Then she glances around and sees me. Her eyes widen, her lips part, and her chest rises on a big breath in. She’s wearing ripped jeans and a black T-shirt that saysbitches be sippin’and she looks messy and brilliant and so damn adorable.
“Hi,” I say quietly.
“Go on,” Rosa says from behind Bianca.
Bianca turns and looks at her over her shoulder. “What is this?”
“You two need to talk.” Rosa smiles at her sister, then at me.