Page 111 of Dr. Bad Boy

"Ah." She doesn't say it in a judgemental way. More like she knows Max, at least as much as anyone does, and she can see how it would be messy. That's why I called her, after all.

But I still pick my words carefully. His secrets aren't mine to assume anyone else knows. "I think Max is…well, it's complicated. But maybe in a good way? I don't know. That's why I called."

“Okay…”

“I found out last week. And after I got over the initial shock, I was happy. And I was going to tell Max right away, but then I found out—well, he told me he never wanted kids. Kind of crazy timing for that to come up."

"He said it like that?"

"It was something to do with work. He didn't know yet that I'm pregnant."

"Oh no."

"Not that I expected a baby would mean Max and I live happily ever after together."

She sighs. "No, I get that. But it's natural to be on your mind."

I exhale roughly. She gets it. "Yeah. I maybe had this fantasy that this child would come into the world and have two loving parents, even if they didn’t live together. I assumed that because Max is a paediatrician, he loved kids and would want some of his own. And then he drops that he doesn't want kids and I freaked out."

"Aw, of course you did. That's not easy to hear."

I shake my head. "So, after I spent some time figuring things out, I sent him an email letting him know the situation and assuring him that he’s off the hook.”

She makes another sympathetic sound. “Ouch. I guess he didn’t take that well at all.”

Shame floods through me. No. And she knew that, and I should have. “No, he didn’t. Now he’s done a complete one-eighty. And I don't know what to think. I can almost even see how he could change his mind. I mean, we all have an idea of what we’d do in a given situation, but that’s not always how we react when we’re actually faced with it.”

"Maybe not… So what now?"

"I don't know." I start to cry.

"Oh, Violet. Do you want me to come to you? Where are you?"

"I'm at home. I'm okay." And the last thing I want right now is RCMP officers watching me feel sorry for myself, but I don't say that. When your only girlfriend you can confide in has a security detail, you just make do.

"You don't sound okay."

"I'm sad. I wish this had all unfolded differently."

"But it didn't."

"No." I twist my finger in the hem of my shirt. Left, then right. I twist it tight enough it starts to hurt, but that just makes me think of Max again. "How do I know he means it?"

She pauses long enough that I start to cry again. “What if he doesn’t? You already know the worst case scenario. If you don't give him an opportunity, then it's the same result as if he walks away, right? Either way you end up doing the solo parent thing, which it sounds like you're prepared for. But if you give him a chance, then there's a chance. Isn't that what you want?”

“Yes, but—”

“What will make you happy, Violet?”

I let out a long sigh. Max makes me happy. Max as a father…my heart leaps at that idea. Even if I can't stand the idea of him walking away from that down the road, I know my heart made the decision for me even before Max asked me to let him in.

And I want to give him that same happiness, too.

It just took Ellie to put it in perspective.

“You’re right. I appreciate you being here for me.”

“Anytime. I mean it. And complicated or not, congratulations. You’re going to be a fabulous mother.”

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