Page 97 of Dr. Bad Boy

I text Blair to tell him I’m scrubbing in to the OR. Even if I’m just observing, I’m not leaving Ethan alone. After the surgery he’ll go to the paediatric ICU. I’m not on call there, and I’ll just get in the way if I linger.

And I look across the room at his parents, guilt slicing through my gut. I have no idea what they’re dealing with. If they fought this morning. Maybe fought over Ethan going to school, or taking his snow pants. Maybe one of them wanted him to stay inside at recess. So many ways I should be able to identify with them instead of against them.

I’m a good doctor. Great, sometimes, because I’m tireless and smart and I don’t let much get by me.

But the part of me that should be empathetic towards parents is broken. I try to double down and make that up to my patients in other ways, but on days like today, it’s a real struggle.

Iwearsurgical scrubs so rarely that I haven’t tried my scrubs card at this hospital. It doesn’t work. A senior resident takes pity on me and gives me a clean pair. I change in the call room, then head to the OR where Ethan’s being prepped. I let the neuro team handle telling the Boltons about what would happen.

But I stopped in the waiting room and told them I’d be in the room the whole time. I couldn’t look his father quite in the eye as I did it, though.

So I make that up to him, at least in my mind, by making sure that I watch every single step of the procedure.

The surgeon carefully visualizes the bleed, repairs the tear, then places a drain before stepping back so a resident can do the last few steps.

I don’t realize I’m holding my breath until the anaesthesiologist gives Ethan’s next set of vitals. Stable. Rock solid, kid.

There’s some teaching that’s still to be done as the nurses prepare him to move to recovery, and then on to what will hopefully be an uneventful stay overnight in the paediatric ICU before he’s returned to our ward tomorrow.

But I’m done here now. I can breathe again.

I scrub out and change, then head for the waiting room to sit with Ethan’s parents. But on my way, I stop in alcove and pull out my phone.

I don’t care that it’s the middle of the week. The middle of the day. I don’t want to be alone tonight.

34

Violet

M: I need you tonight.

Ishould textMax back and remind him of the rules, but I’m not at the office, and even if I was, a text is pretty private.

And honestly, I need him, too. It’s hard to go through the work week without seeing each other, although I’m paying for the weekends of fun.

I’m bone-tired this week, and if I’m going to his place tonight, I’m taking a bag of stuff so I can sleep over and just go in to work from his place.

I’ll sleep better in his arms, anyway.

I’m so tired, I called my doctor’s office and they told me to come down for a quick check-up.

“Ms. Roberts?” I glance as the nurse calls my name from across the waiting room. “Follow me this way. The doctor’s a bit slammed, so you might be waiting in the clinic room for a while.”

I shrug. “Thanks for fitting me in.”

She gestures for me to stand on the scale, then she takes my blood pressure. “What is your reason for the visit today?”

“I’m exhausted. I recently started seeing someone, and I don’t know if it says something sad about my social life before, but I’m dragging through the work day. When I first moved here, she gave me a B12 shot a few times, and I wanted to talk to her about that again.”

The nurse nods and grabs a sterile orange-capped jar, sticking my patient ID number on it before handing it over. “Okay. Pee in this for me. You can leave it in the bathroom there.”

I roll my eyes. Every time I come in, they do a pee dip. Surely I should get a pass as a responsible grown-up who knows how to use birth control, right?

Ijust stareat the doctor, because surely there’s some mistake. “No.”

She nods matter-of-factly. “Yes.”

I shake my head more aggressively this time. “No. There’s some mistake.”

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