Page 85 of Dirty Love

The band is going nuts on the last refrain, so I give them the signal we should repeat that, and I do it bluesy this time, slow and proud and dirty.

Mostly proud.

And when we finally stop, and the crowd settles down, I catch my breath in front of the mic stand and I look into the darkness. “Nothing wrong with a little pride, Salt Lake City. Am I right?”

They burn down the house, because I’m totally right.

~

My high only lasts until the end of the concert. I fly off the stage after the encore and into Wilson’s arms, but instead of sex somewhere indecent, he whispers in my ear that the OB/GYN is back and waiting in my dressing room.

I decide not to make an inappropriate threesome joke because the look on his face is serious.

“Ms. Leyton…” He glances past me to Wilson. “Could we have a moment alone? Just one moment, and then if you’d like Mr. Carter to come back in, of course that’s perfectly fine.”

Wilson waves his hand and ducks out before I can say anything.

I puff out my cheeks and stalk past the good doctor. “Close your eyes for second.”

He does, and I pull off my sweat-soaked tank top and grab a dry t-shirt to replace it with.

“Okay, shoot.”

“First of all, I’ve had a chance to review your medical records, and there were some irregularities in your previous care. I asked your…Mr. Carter to step outside because what we discuss only needs to be between us, and it looks like most communication in the past included your manager, a Grant Derew.”

“Yeah.” I press my hand to my forehead. “That wasn’t the smartest move on my part. It’s a long, complicated story.”

“And I might not be the best physician to get into all of that with, as you don’t live here in Salt Lake City, but I take my job seriously and if I can be an ally in any way to you…”

“What’s going on?” I cross my arms and look him in the eye. “I’ve had a crazy past week in ways I can’t even begin to explain. Give it to me straight.”

“Mr. Carter requested, on your behalf, that we test you for birth control medication. Synthetic progestin or progesterone, specifically.”

All the blood drains from my head. “He did what?”

“The blood work we took earlier. Were you not aware?”

There’s a ringing in my ears. I slowly shake my head. “No. That was…I was getting B-12 shots. I thought there was a problem with those. Double the dose or something.”

“Ms. Leyton, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I think you’vebeen on Depo-Provera most of your adult life.”

“I don’t understand. I can’t…there’s no need…”

“There is nothing in your medical history that would suggest you have any kind of infertility.”

“I had a baby when I was fifteen,” I whisper. “I had a bad c-section. I was told I wouldn’t be able to have any more children.”

“I don’t want to say one way or the other, but there is no reason for you to be getting quarterly shots of progestin other than to prevent a pregnancy.”

I point to the door. “Can you…?”

He nods, and the next thing I know, Wilson is in front of me. He stands there like he’s not sure if he can hug me, and I burst into tears.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “Fuck, I’m saying that a lot.”

“It’s not your fault,” I say, hauling him closer. “How long have you known?”

“Just since last night. And I’m not a doctor, so I thought…I’m sorry.”

---