Page 36 of Filthy Liar

Missing him is just the price of having had him inside me.

I close my eyes and rock my hips up into his hands.Fuck me, I say, but it’s probably just inside my head. Maybe it would be better if we don’t talk, if I just give him my body to do with what he will.

I feel him drag his cock through my wetness, up to my clit, then back again to my entrance. I whimper in anticipation, then he thrusts, and I make the same sound again because the anticipation was accurate.

He’s so big, and it’s so good.

He fills me to the point of too much, until I think my skin might break apart from the sensations, and then he stops.

“Look at me,” he growls.

I roll my hips, urging him on.Fuck me. Take me.

He grips my face in his hand. “Look. At. Me.”

“Fuck me.” I say it out loud now, my eyes flashing open and grabbing his gaze. That’s the deal, that’s what we’re doing here.

“I need you to stay safe,” he growls. “And you can’t come until you promise me that you’ll do that.”

“Fuckyou,” I spit. I can get myself off, I don’t need him for anything. Not that, not security. Nothing. “This isn’t why I kissed you. We make no deals.”

He rolls his hips and buries himself deep to the root again. “Come on,” he cajoles.

“Not like this,” I whisper. “Please.” Every emotion possible has spiraled through me in a hot second. Anger, sadness, fear, hunger.Happiness.“Don’t make this about something I can’t promise.”

“Ellie,” he groans.

“Just fuck me.”

He swears under his breath and thrusts his hips, but he’s holding back.

I want more. I want him to turn me into a pathetic, drooling mess. I want him to wring me out, leave me broken and haunted with good memories instead of bad.

I want, I want.

I can’t have.

This is it, this has to be enough. I need to let my guard down this once because I never can again. “This isn’t fair,” I mutter, and he laughs. Gently, and…lovingly, in a way. For Jason. I close my eyes, say a prayer, then look at him. “I’ll be as safe as I possibly can.”

He strokes my cheek as he moves again. “Who are you?”

“Just a girl asking a boy to get her off,” I quip.

He kisses me. I shudder against him and go as soft as I can, welcoming his tongue, his hands, his cock. All of him, in all of me.

I’m Ellie, I want to tell him. Part of me is still Ellie. But it’s so much more complicated than that, so I let it go and close my eyes again. I give in to the sensations of his body on top of mine, our first time in a bed.

Our last time, almost certainly. I don’t want it to end, and it doesn’t, not for a while. He fucks me like he knows it too, until the urge to come apart is too great and suddenly my orgasm is upon us. I clutch my limbs around him, grinding my clit against his pelvic bone as he thunders to follow me in climax.

When he falls beside me on the bed, I glance across him and out the window. We fucked through dawn, and now it’s bright out.

He scrubs a hand over his face. “I should let you get some rest.”

I could invite him to stay and sleep next to me, but I can’t handle what that would unlock. “I’ll triple chain the door after you leave.”

It’s the only acknowledgment of what he tried to make me promise during sex. He doesn’t reply.

12

---