Page 16 of Shame

I was wrong.

After pouring the bad sparkling wine down the drain, I steal a cheese stick from the fridge and go back to bed.

My second attempt at a desperate orgasm-to-sleep strategy works better.

When I wake up, it’s mid-morning, and my phone tells me it’s time to go back to the studio.

I made a long to-do list yesterday. I hate every single item on the list, don’t want to do any of it, but I’m a professional.

It’s time to get shit done for Future Grace, who will be very upset at me for making life even more difficult for her down the road if I don’t pull myself out of this pity party.

After putting my bedding in the washing machine, I make Sam’s spare bed with fresh sheets and go out to get a late breakfast.

When I walk past my car, parked on the street, I do a double-take because Luke is parked behind me. He’s slumped behind the steering wheel, wearing an old hoodie from university.

He looks like a stalker.

He’s acting like a stalker.

I throw my hands in the air and glare at him as he gets out of the car. “What are you doing here?”

“You blocked my number.”

“I didn’t want to talk to you.”

“You texted me.”

“A mistake.”

“I just wanted to see if you were…” He trails off.

I’m not okay. I wrap my arms around myself and shiver.

“Are you going to the studio?”

“Yes.” Eventually.

He glances at my car.

I could get in, but then I’d lose my prime spot, and I need to come back and put the sheets in the dryer after breakfast.

“After I get some food,” I mumble.

He turns and looks down the street, toward the hub of restaurants and shops not far from Sam’s place. “Can I join you?”

“No.”

His face falls.

Walk away.

But all I see is the sad, lonely boy in the cafeteria at dawn, studying his ass off.

No pity.

I wish I was smart enough to take my own inner advice. I sigh. “You know what? Sure. You can buy.”

His face lights up and I’m already kicking myself. But when he falls into step right beside me, and the tight vise on my heart eases a little, I can’t help but feel like this is okay. Not good, not great, but okay.

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