Page 73 of Kings & Carnage

I answered the call and waited for Mara's face to appear.

"Hey!" I said.

"Hi!" There was a note of false cheerfulness in her voice and she looked worse than I felt, her curly hair a tangled mess, dark circles shadowing her brown eyes.

"Long time no see," I said. I'd been leaning on texts as a way to avoid talking face-to-face. Mara knew me too well and I wasn't at all convinced I’d be able to assure her everything was cool.

"Right? That's why I decided to call," she said.

"I'm glad you did," I said. "It's so nice to see your face. I miss you.”

"I miss you too, and I figured if I called you wouldn't be able to bullshit me anymore.”

I sat up and leaned against the headboard. "What are you talking about?”

She looked insulted. "Seriously? I've known you my whole life. You've been texting me bullshit because there’s something you don't want to say.”

I considered my options and quickly came to the conclusion that they all sucked. I still didn't want to tell Mara the truth but I also couldn't continue to lie. At this point, it would be a form of gaslighting, and I wasn't down for that.

"There's just a lot going on here," I said. "And I really can't say any more than that.”

"Is it about Emma?" she asked. "Did you find something out?”

"You could say that. But not enough to know what actually happened.”

I was being vague but there was no way around it. Not if I wanted to protect Mara.

She rolled her eyes, clearly frustrated. “Whatever."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that ever since you went to Aventine it's like we’re not best friends anymore," she said. "You go through the motions and everything but it's obvious you don't trust me.”

"It has nothing to do with trust," I said. "This is some heavy shit. Girls have disappeared." I had to force myself to say the next thing. "Girls have died.”

Her eyes widened. "Did you… did you find out more about what happened to Emma?”

"No, but come on, Mara. We all know she's probably dead. It's been two years. At this point, we’re looking for her killer and probably the killer of all those other girls too.”

I was relieved when she didn't try to argue the point. She'd probably come to the same conclusion a lot sooner than I had.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I wish I was there to give you a hug.”

"Me too." I said it even though I didn't mean it. Until we figured out who was behind the disappearance of the girls, I didn't want Mara anywhere near Blackwell Falls. "Let's talk about something else. How are you? How is it being back at school?”

I knew from our text conversations that she'd had an excruciating holiday break with her extended family in Florida. She'd sounded miserable and she looked just as miserable now.

Actually, Mara had seemed miserable pretty much every day since the first day of classes at Columbia. In any other situation, I would have been on a train months ago to check on her in person.

Yet more proof that I'd been a shitty best friend.

She shrugged and looked down, a gesture I recognized as one she made when she was picking at something, trying to act casual to avoid a difficult subject. "You know, it's school. It's fine.”

"Now who's bullshitting?" I asked.

"I mean, I don't love it. I said that. But I need to see it through this year and then maybe think about transferring.”

"If you're not happy, you should transfer," I said. "Where are you thinking?”

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