Page 61 of To the Grave

Cassie laughed and shook her head.

“How would that even work?” I asked. “And…”

I stalled on the next part because I felt bad even saying it.

“And what?” Cassie prodded.

I sighed. “What would people say?”

It was something I hadn’t wanted to admit to myself in the equation of my possible future with the Beasts. It was one thing to live in the same house with Blake’s killers as hired laborers. It was another to set up house with them, let the world — or more specifically, Ruth and my dad — know I loved them.

All three of them.

“Does it matter?” Cassie asked.

I bit into a chip and chewed, thinking about Ruth, about all she’d been through after losing our mom and then Blake. Would she recover knowing I loved Blake’s killers, knowing I wanted to be with them? Would our relationship recover?

“I don’t know,” I finally said.

“I can’t believe this,” Sarai said angrily.

“What?” I was genuinely confused by the sudden change in Sarai’s mood.

“You’re being a hypocrite, that’s what!”

“What are you talking about? And why are you shouting?”

“I’m not shouting,” she said. “This is just such… such bullshit. You just gave me the big live-your-life-your-way pep talk and now you’re worried about what the gossips in Blackwell Falls will think?”

The accusation stung.

“It’s not just the gossips I’m worried about.”

“She’s worried about Ruth,” Cassie said quietly.

“Things are already weird between us,” I said. “How could she ever forgive me?”

“Shit.” Sarai looked down with a sigh. “Sorry. I didn’t think about Ruth.”

I reached for her hand. “It’s okay. And you’re still not wrong. I am being a hypocrite. Disappointing your parents is a big deal.”

She squeezed my hand and smiled. “I can admit that even disappointing my Indian parents isn’t as big a deal as telling Ruth you’re permanently shacking up with Blake’s murderers.”

“She’s just been so erratic lately.” I didn’t want to tell them about catching her in bed with the guy from the Blades. It was personal, and I wasn’t down to gossip about my sister, even with my two best friends. “It kind of feels like maybe all the shit that’s happened is finally catching up to her.”

Sarai and Cassie exchanged a look. Cassie hurried to close the bag of chips, but I knew a conspiracy of silence when I saw one.

“What aren’t you telling me?” I asked.

They looked at each other again before Sarai turned her gaze to me.

“We saw her,” Sarai said.

“Ruth?”

Sarai nodded. “With some guy.”

“Someolderguy,” Cassie said.

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