Page 42 of Hell to Pay

LILAH

“I don’t knowwhat to tell him,” I confessed to Jude on the way into town.

I was nervous: about Matt and what had happened between him and my mom — because something had if he’d finally called for help — but also about bringing him back to the Bastards’ house, about explaining why I was living there and what my relationship was to the three men who’d fucked me over.

And not just me. My mom had gotten stricter with Matt after the incident in high school too. My therapist at Oak Hill had suggested it was because it had scared her, because she didn’t want anything bad to happen again, to me or to Matt, and that she just lacked the ability to “emotionally regulate.”

But it didn’t really matter why.

Matt’s life had changed because of the three men who were now my protectors and roommates, and I was going to have to find a way to explain why I was living with them, why I’d be taking Matt back to their house instead of the apartment I’d been telling him about for the past couple of years.

Jude took a deep breath. “I find in situations like these, some version of the truth is best.”

I looked over at him, the streetlights illuminating his face as we passed through Main Street.

“Some version of the fact that someone wants to kill me and I’m now fucking two of the three guys who texted my nudes to the whole high school while they protect me?”

He winced. “I was thinking more like you’ve gotten mixed up in the mystery of the missing girls and think Vic was involved and we offered to let you stay in the house as an apology for what assholes we were in high school. I just assumed you’d leave out the fucking.”

I drew in a breath, exhaled slowly, tried to get my head around a version of the truth that would make sense to Matt without making him either furious with me for being a doormat or scared that someone was going to assassinate me.

I was no closer to it when the deli came into sight, a lone figure leaning up against the dark storefront. Main Street had been quiet farther down — all the bistros and boutiques and coffee shops were closed — but there was still plenty of traffic heading into Southside, motorcycles and muscle cars and jacked-up SUVs heading to the Orpheum or one of the bars I’d heard were frequented by the street gangs and MCs.

The figure was wearing basketball shorts and a hoodie, the hood pulled up to hide his face, but I would have known it was Matt from a mile away. I knew his slouch, the way he pulled his shoulders forward when he was trying to disappear, the bow of his head and shadow of his jaw.

“There he is,” I said.

Jude slowed and pulled the Rover next to the curb. Matt looked up, his face illuminated in the streetlight over the deli, and something wary passed over his features. It took me a minute to remember that he wouldn’t expect me to show up in a hundred-thousand-dollar Range Rover with tinted windows. He was probably looking for my Honda, which screeched when I turned the wheel too hard to the right, and increasingly, the left too.

“Wait here,” I told Jude. “And don’t say anything to Matt about our… situation. I need to figure out a way to explain it.”

“You got it, boss.” He was watching the street, the motorcycles and souped-up cars heading to the south side of town.

I got out of the car and approached Matt, watching as his expression changed from caution to surprise.

“Hi, it’s me,” I said, walking toward him. “I should have told you I wouldn’t be in my car.”

I hugged him instinctively. He was stiff in my arms, but that might have just been a teenage-guy-being-hugged-by-his-sister phenomenon.

I pulled back to look at him. His eyes were red-rimmed, his face splotchy, and I knew he’d been crying. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” He looked nervously around. “Can we get out of here?”

I didn’t know if he was nervous our mom would come looking for him or just feeling out of place on the main drag of Blackwell Falls after hours, but either way, I didn’t blame him.

“Sure.” We started toward the car and I hesitated with my hand on the back door. “I’m not alone, obviously.” He’d seen me get out of the passenger side. “And we’re not going back to my apartment.”

He scowled. “What’s going on, Lilah?”

“I’ll explain when we get where we’re going, I promise. You’ll be safe there.”

I opened the door before he could ask more questions. I wasn’t sure I would have the answers.

He got in the back seat and Jude turned around in the driver’s seat. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Matt said.

There was no recognition in his eyes, which made sense I guess. Matt knew what had happened in high school, but he’d been in middle school at the time. At home the scandal of my leaked nudes had been all about my sin. The focus had been on me, not the guys who’d betrayed me.

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