Page 14 of Hell to Pay

“And for not taking your meds,” Rafe said.

“I think we’ve established that I made a lot of dumb decisions,” I said through my teeth. “I paid a price for them.”

“We could have paid the price too,” Rafe said. “You don’t seem to get that part.”

Nolan shot him a scowl. “Knock it the fuck off.”

“She needs to know.” Rafe looked from Nolan to me. “When you work as part of a team, everything you do, every decision you make, affects the whole team. If you put yourself in danger, you put the team in danger. Get it?”

Now I felt not only dumb but also ashamed. He was right. Maybe I couldn’t have known for sure that they’d look for me if I went missing, but I should have known they might.

“I’ve never…” I sighed. “Well, I’ve never been part of ateambefore, okay? I get it now.”

I didn’t say the rest because it was pathetic:I’ve always been alone.

But Nolan spoke like he’d heard it, like he was inside my head. “You’re not alone anymore. Get used to it, sweetheart.”

“On the plus side,” Jude said, “you just got Rafe to admit we’re a team.”

“Fuck off,” Rafe said, stomping from the room.

13

LILAH

I woke up from a dream,water all around me, my body sinking into the depths, the bottom of a boat floating on the surface, barely visible in the moonlight. I reached for the boat on the surface, my arms flailing, legs kicking as I tried to swim, but it was like one of those dreams where you’re trying to run down a hall but the hall just keeps getting longer.

Except this time I was in the ocean, fathomless below me, and I was powerless to stop myself from sinking into the darkness.

I gasped and shot up in bed. Putting a hand over my heart was a reflex, a habit I’d gotten into as a kid, like doing it could reassure me that my heart was still beating.

That I was still alive.

I took a few deep breaths, tried to slow my pulse. The room was dark, a faint wash of moonlight leaking into the room from the sheer curtains on either side of the window. I’d slept with the door to the terrace closed even though in another situation I would have loved to sleep with the sound of the surf below the cliff. After being held captive on the boat, the sea wasn’t comforting.

I checked my phone, glad to have it back after two incommunicado days on the boat, and saw that it was after 2 a.m.

I heard voices from somewhere in the house and got out of bed, but when I cracked the door to my room I knew immediately that the Bastards were talking about me.

I halted, hesitated, then trained my ears on their conversation.

“I can’t fucking believe those fuckers branded her,” Nolan said.

“I’m going to fucking kill them.” I flinched at the fury in Rafe’s voice. “Every last one of them.”

“A hundred percent,” Jude said. “They’re dead men.”

“We have to send her away,” Rafe said. “Somewhere she’ll be safe.”

I blinked in surprise, then realized he probably just wanted me out of the way, especially after I’d put them all in danger by accepting the Imperium Fratrum invitation without telling them.

“She won’t go,” Jude said. “You know she won’t go.”

“So we make her go.” Rafe’s voice was practically a growl.

Heat blossomed in my chest, then traveled to the center of my stomach. I told myself it was because he was such a Neanderthal (what made him think he couldmakeme do anything?) but deep down I wondered if it was because some sick part of me had started to be turned on by his “fuck everyone” attitude.

“That wouldn’t be fair,” Nolan said.

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