Page 81 of The Cursed

"When can I open the seal again?" I asked, reaching forward to grab a slice of cucumber. I took a bite, chewing rapidly. The more foods of the earth I could eat, the more quickly that part of my magic would rejuvenate, at least.

"Willow..." Gray said, and I knew his answer wouldn't be one I cared for. I knew it would drive a wedge between us if I let it--that his desire to protect me from harm would drive me away.

I knew we had the potential to destroy one another--to burn until there was nothing left except ash.

Only if we didn't choose to put one another first.

"When?" I asked, swallowing my bite of cucumber.

"It will take time for you to learn how to channel the Source in that capacity. We cannot risk you opening it before you understand how to allow it to flow through you without drawing on your life force to do so," Gray said, laying out the stakes as if I didn't understand them.

We couldn't keep sacrificing others to the debt that was mine to pay, not when it angered the balance every time I narrowly evaded death.

"How long?" I asked, accepting the truth of his words. Eventually, death would tire of feeling me slip between its fingers and escape its eternal grasp.

Eventually, it would come to claim me once and for all.

"Months at best," Gray admitted, his eyes going distant. "I believe it took me years to understand how to act as a conduit for the magic when I first offered myself to the Source. You are more motivated than I ever was, and if anyone can learn quicker, it will be you."

"Months," I said, my voice quiet. Accepting this as reality meant leaving Margot in Hell formonths. "You promise me that Beelzebub will protect her."

"I promise he will, Witchling. I cannot pretend to know what has happened between them, but he is aware of what she means to you. He would protect her out of loyalty to me, as would Jonathan. They will make sure she is safe," Gray said, running his thumb over my lip as he reached out and grabbed another cucumber. He held it up, encouraging me to eat the food we both knew would help.

What came from the Source could only aid me. The sooner I got the full strength of my magic back, the sooner Gray could teach me how to channel without offering myself. I would never abandon the traditions my mother taught me, giving as much as I took whenever possible.

Still, I needed to know how to choose when and how I made my offerings, and I needed them to not come at the cost of our lives.

"Okay," I said, following through on my words from the night before. I wouldnevergive up on Margot, and I would do what I could to bring her back as soon as possible.

But I wouldn't choose her over Gray to do it, either.

"Okay," Gray said, echoing my words as he went to the closet and pulled out a dress, draping it over the back of the chair he'd waited for me to wake in.

It was formal, the fabric entirely devoid of color. It was the purest of blacks, of the night sky without stars. With a sweetheart neckline, it had two thin straps that would brush over my shoulders for support. Fabric draped over the biceps, creating a delicate feminine line to accentuate the tight fit of the bodice before the skirt billowed out into light layers. The black fabric sparkled like the night sky.

"What's that for?" I asked, suspicion in my voice. The last time Gray had put me in a gown, we'd announced my replacement of the Covenant. It had led to a disaster; carnage that I regretted with every breath.

Even if those who had been killed that night had been willing to sacrifice their own families for power and freedom from the Vessels, I still wore the stain of those deaths on my soul.

"It is time we united our people," Gray said, sitting again. He took my hands into his, his thumb running over the wedding ring he'd placed on my finger. It seemed like forever ago that I'd fought against this so vehemently, only now, I could not imagine going through a single day without the feeling of his touch.

"I thought we already had," I said, huffing an awkward laugh. He was everything I wanted, yet in loving him, I hadn’t stopped seeing him for exactly who he was.

Loving him didn't mean I thought he was perfect. It just meant that I loved him, anyway.

"Did we?" he asked, and I knew he referred to those who had assisted Iban in his plot to send us all to Hell to save themselves.

"What would you have us do?" I asked, staring into those golden eyes. I would never erase the feeling of them on me from my mind, and I would see them in my dreams for as long as I drew breath.

To love Lucifer was to love the impossible.

"I swore to you once that I would marry you inallour traditions, but I have not held up my end of that promise," he said, his words soft yet firm. "So today, the Goddess is going to unite us as one in the eyes of the Coven."

"No," I said, watching as his face hardened at what he perceived to be a rejection. "We just suffered a massive loss. The Coven needs time to grieve."

"The Coven is suffering in the knowledge that some of their own were willing to cast them into Hell. They know that the only thing that stopped Iban isyou. You protected all of them, and they would be fools not to see it. So you are going to publicly state your allegiance to me and unite our kinds in marriage, as has been done for centuries amongst the witches," Gray said. His eyes burned with anger, daring me to defy him in this as I clenched my jaw.

"And if I sayno?" I asked, needing to know the answer.

---