Page 133 of Love Sick

I come with a crap ton of baggage in the form of rumors, anxiety and mistrust.

I am darkness and he is light.

I can’t even tell him that I love him. I’m too broken to say the fucking words.

Everything inside me goes numb. “We can’t go public.”

He nods like he expected that comment, then leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “Why not?”

I set my bottle on the table but say nothing. My throat aches.

He studies my face. A spark appears in the black of his eyes. “Are you ashamed of me, Grace?”

“What? No.” I reach for him, but he leans away.

His head tilts. “Then why?”

“Wecan’tgo public—”

“Because people will think you’re slumming it with the stupid little DO?” He raises an eyebrow.

“What? No. That’s not—no one thinks of you like that. No one who matters.”

His expression tightens. “Do you hear yourself? No one who matters thinks these rumors about you are true, either.”

Tears burn behind my eyes. “It’s not about me. It’s about how it will affect you. People will make fun of you for being with me, Julian.”

“I don’t care—”

“Youwill. The girls will pity you. The guys will tease you. They’ll talk about me. Aboutus.”

He lets out a sharp sigh, staring at the floor between his feet. “Maybe at first, but it will die down. It always does. And I—I just don’t care.”

“I do.” I touch his forearm. His muscles bunch beneath my fingers, so I pull away.

“You think things will get worse,” he says, “but I think things will get better. I mean…people just don’t talk about guys the way they talk about girls. I hate to say that, but it’s true. This isn’t going to affect me like you think it will.”

Maybe he’s right. It doesn’t lessen my fear, though. How will I survive if I let him all the way in and he leaves me? If not because of the rumors, then because of any one of the hundreds of ways I’m lacking? I never planned on falling in love like this, and Julian…he deserves better than my petrified love and tarnished reputation.

“I care what people think of you,” I say, “and I don’t want what we had to be stained by this.”

His head whips around. The darkness in his eyes sharpens to honed ebony. “What wehad?”

My voice drops to a whisper. “You deserve better than this, Julian.”

“No.” His body is frozen, every muscle tight. “Don’t do this.”

“I don’t think us being together is good for you.” My voice tightens, grows cold and clinical in a way I can’t stop. “Between the rumors, and my trust issues…and—and I heard you got the worst CREOG score in the program, Julian. You didn’t even tell me! I’m distracting you from training.”

“Fucking Maxwell,” he mutters under his breath, rubbing his face.

“Julian—”

“Screw my CREOG score, Grace.” He stands and paces across the living room. “Now you’re claiming you don’t trust me?”

“I’m trying to do the right thing for you.”

He pauses to stare at me. “By breaking me in pieces?”

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